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Readers Respond: Does every baby deserve a baby shower?

Responses: 142

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Updated December 24, 2009

From the article: Second Time Around Shower
Baby showers supposedly are meant to shower the mother-to-be with gifts before the birth of her first baby, at least traditionally. Now there are lots of ways to celebrate a baby, including having second baby showers. Where do you stand on the matter? Would you have a baby shower for a second (or more) baby? Would you do something different to support and celebrate the mother? Is it rude or greedy to have a second baby shower?

all about baby

I personally feel that it is a "to each their own" situation. We are trying for our second and I will be having a welcoming party after the child is born
—Guest melissa

No time or money for parties

I receive invitations to two or more parties per month. Time is spent in purchasing an appropriate gift. Time is spent in attending the event. While the event is usually enjoyable and entertaining sometimes I feel like I am always attending something. I normally see the same people over and over. I have found that when first time mothers have a registry there are many items on their lists that are unnecessary. The same goes for first time brides. Some of these ladies pick really expensive items. There should only be a few and the rest should be reseasonably priced for people who are tight on money. Be considerate when hosting a baby shower for mothers who already have children. Unless the children are far apart in age or any other legit reason for having a party please think about the mothers-to-be who actually deserve their first party. If I have to buy for every baby then my budget is stretched to the limit and sometimes those who need a better gift don't receive one.
—Guest grandmawindmill

Absolutely, depending on the situation

I hate when people say "I was smart I saved everything". Ok so my first child and second are 12 years apart. I am remarried; he has no kids. So I wasn't smart because I didn't pay to store her stuff for 12 years???? Never mind the fact that in 12 years many things have changed/safety standards have changed. I do not expect a baby shower, but would be very grateful to get one. Now my sister in law who had 5 boys back to back, yes that's a little excessive on all the baby showers. But do not call us "not smart" when you don't know our situation.
—Guest Heather

Give me a break

Please, people, let's not act like one of the purposes of a baby shower is to give the parents all the much needed things for raising their baby. If you were celebrating just the upcoming birth of a baby, call it something else. It's like what makes a Bridal Shower different from an engagement party or a bachelorette party, it's expected to bring a gift to a bridal shower, and you can say that it's optional, it doesn't have to be about that, but no matter what, the guests will feel obligated to give a gift, and will feel like they're being rude if they don't. I'm not married nor do I have children, but honestly I find the idea of a bridal shower (in addition to wedding gifts) sort of rude, and I find the idea of a second baby shower inappropriate as well. Not saying that every person who has a second one is greedy, there are often different circumstances where it's understandable and some friends/family just want to do it.
—Guest Nan

Some don't want showers

I didn't want a shower. I hate parties but even after I told them I absolutely didn't want a shower I got one shoved down my throat anyway and what made it worse is I had gestational diabetes they knew it and brought so much crap I couldn't dare eat. It was disrespectful as hell. Plus we were strapped for cash and someone said we know you're broke and can't afford much. So they saw me as a charity case. My point is people judge multiple showers and some of us don't want the first one.
—Guest Michelle wood

Second (and third) baby showers

I too am completely shocked that people would be so rude about having a baby shower for a second child. Aren't all babies special? Why does only the first one count? If a person gets married more than once, do you not celebrate their second wedding? How could a baby be any different? It isn't selfish and a lot of times friends or families WANT to throw a shower for the parents to be, it isn't always the parents' idea.
—Guest Shila

SO Confused!!

My cousin is having her second son, she is unmarried and living at home. Her sister also unmarried has four boys, she also lives in the home. Two of the boys are under 2 years old. I am sorry, but for them to invite people to another shower to buy stuff they already have is not right. When I looked at the registery, she was asking for stuff for her first son. Many of the items she was asking for were way over 200.00?? I am having a hard time with this invite, I feel they are just being Greedy..also none of the parents work and they collect from the government..
—Guest Minnie

What does it matter!

My mother in law threw the one for me and didn't include my mother only to have her bring a dish. My mother was very hurt by this and now i'm pregnant again and she is sooo super excited to throw my shower, she is having a blast with it. Who am I to take that away from her. Plus everyone asked me months ago if I was going to have a shower and I didn't know at that point. Most of my family and friends said I needed and should have a celebration of the coming of the first boy on both sided of our family. I don't care about the gift, will be great for anything I get, but who are you to call me greedy or selfish because some emily post like ettiquette says showers are only for the first child? Who put this into law that anyone seeking or having a shower for their other kids is rude and tacky. That is a opinion, not a fact. And those that stand in judgement of others with their noses in the air, shame on you. Who are you to judge anyone? Like another writer said "get over yourself
—Guest JayJay

Why not?

I have 3 daughters. I had 2 for my first and one for my 3rd by 3 completely different sets of people, I see nothing wrong with someone having baby showers for every child. No different than being invited to every single birthday party for several children every year. Plus a new baby is a new life. Its a huge deal, a miracle under any circumstance or situation. If you don't want to attend, don't attend. I however will go to every baby shower I am invited to. I love them. They're for a baby for goodness sakes. You don't even have to bring a gift or go at all if you don't want to. Get over yourselves people!
—Guest Alli H

Seriously?

I am the mother of a six year old, and now pregnant with my second child.with my son, my family threw me a suprise shower.i had nothing to do with the planning whatsoever. six years later, I'm on baby number two.I don't expect my family to throw me another one, but honestly, my friends probably will.and to the person that suggested putting baby stuff in storage?spending money to store things you don't know WHEN you're gonna use again?nah.After six years, I have NOTHING left. not a single piece of furniture, not a onesie, nothing.Now, I will say when the kids are right back to back, another huuuuge blowout of a shower is kind of tacky.Like if you have a one and a half year old then preggo again.. but a small gift optional party would be fine. but if my friends throw me a full on shower, i will be grateful. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT!!lol and umm, ask any mom. DIAPERS ARE MORE THAN WELCOME AS GIFTS!!those things are expensive!!!
—Guest Diggy

Never had one the first time.

I never had a shower with my first child. We lived out of town and that was that. I bought everything myself. I did register but a grand total of 4 people got me items off my list. (I guess no party no gift.) When I get pregnant I will be having a shower. I felt jipped the first time around.
—Guest Sarah

Get the men involved...

Look at it from the perspective of an unmarried, childless woman whose friends over the years have expected you to attend countless engagement , bachelorette, wedding showers, baby showers , etc. This is my situation and now my best friends are hosting their 3rd and 4th baby shower. Is there an equivalent for men, no! My boyfriend just can't understand why these ladies insist on having god awful, boring as hell showers, where we have to talk about babies for hours. For those of you suggesting declining the invite, that is not always an option. I don't think my friends are being greedy, but I do think it's tacky. For goodness sake, be considerate of your unmarried friends who have never asked you to buy something from registry for them. Or if you must have a party, invite the husband and male friends. Child rearing is not just the woman's responsibility
—Guest rz

BE GREATFUL.

Ok i have 3 girls. my first i had a shower. my second and 3rd ones no shower. partly because people that knew my mom considered that i had kept everything i had from first baby. in reality my mom got rid of mmy stuf that my husband and i were saving. so because we had stuff sold we decided to have another one. be greatful if if people wanna thow you one say yes it dosent hurt. i would of loved to have more showers but no. just send out invintations and see what happens
—Guest mel hernandez

Yes, they all deserve a baby shower!

Where i was born and raised (PR),we never see that having 2 or more baby showers is greedy at all, we do it more to celebrate the new coming of the baby. I have 2 children, and I'm expecting again, and I did baby shower for both and I'm actually planing for this one also. I don't think is fair that you do a big celebration just for the first baby. Every child is as important as the first one, so, all of them deserve a baby shower in their honor. Is not about the gifts, even tho we always take gifts, doesn't matter how many times you do a baby shower, Is more to celebrate the new baby. In most cases, for us, the parents are the one that throw the baby shower (with help of friends and family members if necessary) and we always have EVERYBODY! I also don't like the "only women" baby shower. First, because the women are not the only family members of the baby, everyone should be together to celebrate as a family, Men, Women and Children, especially the father of the baby. Is ridiculous to
—Guest Zoe

Second showers

I had a shower for my first child then got pregnant with twin boys and gave birth and my childern are 15 m apart. I didn't expect a second shower even thou my kids are all boys but I needed another stroller, car seat, bassinet and crib
—Guest Twin boys
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