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Readers Respond: Does every baby deserve a baby shower?

Responses: 227


Updated December 24, 2009

From the article: Second Time Around Shower
Baby showers supposedly are meant to shower the mother-to-be with gifts before the birth of her first baby, at least traditionally. Now there are lots of ways to celebrate a baby, including having second baby showers. Where do you stand on the matter? Would you have a baby shower for a second (or more) baby? Would you do something different to support and celebrate the mother? Is it rude or greedy to have a second baby shower? Share Your Opinion


Let's face facts. It's all about "Mommy". Second and third and fourth babies have everything they need from baby #1. Family members and close friends are going to give the new baby a gift without being invited to a shower. As we all know the baby will not wear out all the clothes he or she gets anyway, so can be passed down from child to child. Like I said it's all about Mommy, it's her party she's just using the baby as an excuse to be center of attention. I know of two young women, I was going to say ladies, but ladies would not PLAN their own baby shower, that are on their third and fourth baby. Tacky and Greedy!
—Guest grandma

Two sides to every story

You may be in Group A: those who see second showers as inappropriate. If so, you probably grew up in the same world I did. Back then, baby showers were intended to celebrate a woman's transition into motherhood, and to provide some of the supplies she would need. It was considered to be poor taste to solicit gifts for yourself or a close relative; that's why mothers and sisters weren't supposed to throw showers. You wouldn't expect showers for additional babies; all your friends and relatives had already been so kind as to give gifts for your first baby (all gender-neutral in the days before ultrasounds) and back in the day, things were made (often by hand) to last through several babies. No woman with good manners would ever have expected a second shower, and absolutely never asked for one, although I do remember it being customary to bring over a small gift like a bib or toy when a new baby was born. You may be in Group B: those who see multiple showers as perfectly accepta
—Guest Guest

greedy and rude

My daughter is on number 3 in 4 years. one girl and 1boy 2years later another boy. she went off on both sides of the family insisting upon a shower. one person gave in now right before xmas another shower . she is really being a selfish person. I am embaressed , and ashamed . I didn't teach her to expect things from others. lst girl fine 1st boy pushing it 2nd boy GREEDY!!!!!! guest shay you are by far in a different situation. Hats off to you and yours.
—Guest mamawsue

depends on how greedy....

Ok....I was told that it is ok to throw a second baby shower as long as the second baby is a different gender than the first baby. Also, don't throw your own shower, that shows how greedy you are. And a good spread of food should be provided. It's rude to ask your guests to provide an entree and a gift. I don't have kids of my own, but I don't mind going to second or third baby showers. As long as I'm not expected to bring food for the party and an expensive gift. I mean, when I have a birthday party, I don't ask my friends to bring anything but themselves.
—Guest Tracy

Baby shower for all babies

I think all babies should have showers. Why only celebrate the first born? That just doesn't seem fair to me. And for all of you who think its about the gifts... It's not. It's about the birth of a beautiful new baby. So I say celebrate!!!
—Guest Rylan's momma

Yes! All children are precious....

.....even so, they are still your responsibility. Let family members get together and get the big items missing and leave coworkers and "far" friends from having to be giving for 1st...2nd.. and on and on.....it is greed.....how many sleepers can a newborn wear? Why does a baby need all the latest gadgets that are out there..yes! Let family and "tight" friends provide the diapers, the food, to help out because we are family, and dicipline and dont forget Love. . may are missing
—Guest Mojo

Gifts and Showers are Out of Hand

We give gifts for everything anymore. The shower should be for the first child only, such as a wedding shower should be for the first marriage. But then I've been invited to a wedding shower for the 2nd marriage, even though the couple lived together for 3 years and had a house already set up. At present I have an unmarried niece and she's expecting her 2nd child and the step-mother is talking about throwing a shower. I think we've gone overboard with showers and gifts for everything. It's being done for gift purposes only, so don't tell me that it's to celebrate a new arrival. Let them throw a party and tell everyone NOT to bring a gift.....it'll be a cold day in hell before that ever happens.

Definitely tacky!

There's nothing wrong with celebrating every life but its greedy to have a 2nd, 3rd, 4rd shower with the expectation of receiving gifts. It seems like most people register for every baby and make a note of it on the invitation which implies that gifts are expected. I'm sorry but you can celebrate without presents. If the invitation said "gifts appreciated but not required", people wouldn't have such an issue with subsequent babyshowers. And how can you call someone a tightwad for not wanting to buy a babyshower gift for every baby? I would assume that if you are close enough to be invited to the shower, you would also be invited to the baptism and birthday parties, and be expected to give a christmas present right? So where does it end? I have an endless amount of love to give, but money I do not. So to call someone a greedy tightwad because they don't want to spend their hard earned money on you and your child only proves how greedy YOU are.
—Guest JenAnn

Only 1st borns

It is the greed factor. Baby showers were suppose to help you get started, not pay for all your baby things for every child.
—Guest Meany

its normal if its different gender

I think it's totally normal if its different gender. My sister is having 3rd child and it's a girl. She had only few ppl invited for her 1st baby shower and got very little gifts. Most of the stuff she had was already used and after 2 boys is very worn out. Now she's expecting a girl and me and our mom want to trow her one. Even though she says all she needs is diapers and doesn't want to do the registry, but I will do it myself I know what she has and what she needs. I am a mom myself and know what's useful and what's not. I had a baby shower myself and got lots of stuff, so for me to have another baby shower would be pointless because I have everything. So it deffenetly depends on situation.
—Guest amy

I don't care

My son is 6 and I'm pregnant with my second son. My mom threw us the first shower. She's also throwing one for this one. But here's the thing. We tried for 5 years to get pregnant, including fertility. We don't want people to buy us anything on this one. If they want too, that's fine, but I'm not expecting anything. I told my mom that I want a celebration to celebrate that we are finally having another child. Celebrate my baby's life. Talk to people that I don't get to talk to on a regular basis. People are ignorant. If you want to have a shower, party, celebration, whatever, then do it. Don't pay any attention to those ignorant asses. :)
—Guest Guest bosley


It's a nice tradition to have a baby shower and it certainly does not matter who throws it! I'd never expect someone outside of the family to spend money on a party for me!! Now that's a bit inappropriate! It is however, a gathering for CLOSE friends and family that actually care that you are expecting. Typically they WANT to give a gift. Obviously these negative comments are from people getting invites to showers for acquaintances. Perhaps these expectant mothers need to rethink their guest list. I believe that 2nd/3rd baby showers within a couple of years are silly if you are expecting gifts such as strollers etc. I think diapers are a great idea however! A party is just so people can celebrate. Why so much hostility? I lost a baby over 5 yrs ago and gave all shower gifts to another mother that needed it. Im unexpectedly expecting again but would never ask for another shower. That said, I have many loved ones that will want a party for me anyway! It just for people who love you.
—Guest Surprised!

True appreciation of every child

Every child is a blessing! Every child should be recognized and appreciated . Is a baby shower that event? I am a mom, I am not elderly and I work hard for my family. It is the same people asking for gifts and having showers for everything--let me add by saying they have a big family that have giving a lot of gifts already. Why should I feel bad because I do not feel a second baby shower is the appropriate venue to show love and appreciation for a child? What happened to genuine love and support and seeing what you truly need first instead of expecting a gift which is not everlasting?Why not give a party after the child is born to include them in the process and look at what you truly need? Face it times are tough!
—Guest Loving mom and aunt

Oh Please

I personally feel that having more than one baby shower is completely ridiculous and is in poor taste. And btw I am not an old lady I am in my 20s and married! This generation is all about getting stuff for free and they expect it. I'm sorry but baby items can last a while if you take good care of things. A baby shower if for the first child only. I don't know about anyone else's family, but my family spoils any new baby. You people honestly don't think that someone is going to buy a gift for the new baby? I am so sick of getting invitations for someone's 2nd and 3rd child. Not to mention when that person gave me USED ITEMS FOR MY FIRST CHILD. Some people have no tact. Or when you attend a baby shower for someone's second child and you get them stuff for the baby but they can't return the gesture. This generation needs to learn about etiquette and stop expecting everything to be handed to them. Grow up!
—Guest NewMommy

Not again...

My sister-in-law is pregnant with her fourth child, third boy, and is planning her own baby shower because no one else did. She says she thought they were done (her youngest is 5) so she got rid of her baby things. Now she wants people to buy her new things, oh and help her plan her shower and bring a dish to pass. At this point I don't believe she needs a shower. I also feel a little offended that she basically is asking people to buy her things. I will absolutely celebrate her baby at birth and for years to come but am planning to avoid this shower.
—Guest Auntie

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Does every baby deserve a baby shower?

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