From the article: When Pregnancy Announcements Are Met With a Bad Response
I'm pregnant! What follows next is a bunch of blank stares or even probing questions that shouldn't be asked in polite company. This is totally not what moms-to-be expect and yet everyday, the announcement of pregnancy good news is met with the story of how their family and friends were less than supportive. How did your family and friends react to your pregnancy announcement? Share Your Experience
My Strange Needs
- My family and friends have been very wonderful, very positive about this pregnancy. The problem isn't with them, but with me. This pregnancy comes on the heels of three consecutive miscarriages. To me, pregnancy has lost a lot of its happy-go-lucky joyfulness. Instead, it brings a sense of dread and anxiety. One response I get a lot is, "That's great!... Wait, aren't you happy?" Because the most I can muster is a weak smile and a furrowed brow. I reassure them that I'm thrilled to be pregnant. But I think I'm unconvincing. It's just such a different kind of thrilled than before. It's thrilled and terrified. Because of my mixed feelings, I tried to keep this one a secret as long as possible, but I'm showing quite obviously now, and at 23 weeks, it's time I fessed up anyway. I think that my ideal response right now would be a quiet squeeze of my hand. Those who are in-the-loop sometimes offer it up this way.
- —Guest KateC
Our lives, not his
- My husbands older brother/only sibling is in his late 30s and had a whirlwind engagement after dating his fiancé for 3 months in his first serious relationship, planning a fall 2012 wedding. My husband and I started trying around that time after putting it off earlier in the year. When we told inlaws we were expecting their first grandchild, FIL simply asked whether we were trying to beat BIL to the punch, even tho we'd been married 2.5/together 4.5 years, I guess b/c our due date falls about 1 mon before their wedding. Even tho they are up in years for new kids, SIL to be already has two kids & BIL has said he wouldnt mind not dealing with a baby. So rude but I think my inlaws were just disappointed the fav son has not lived up to family expectations & hard for others to realize not everyone's lives revolve around #1 son, who also happens to be a huge misogynist a$$. Guess I know where he gets it from....
- —Guest Guest S
grandmothers' response
- The older generation don't mean to offend - they just see things differently and can't help but apply what they were taught to situations like pregnancy outside of marriage. My grandmothers reaction to our pregnancy was 'Oh no!' I was furious until I realised that she simply couldn't help herself and this is how she was brought up. Now that I am 37 weeks along, she is realising that she has a grandchild on the way and is much more accepting. I think it is important to see the difference between a knee jerk reaction with the older generation (often it is because they are worried about you) and plain meanness.
- —Guest virginia
It should be better than this
- We found out we were pregnant (planned) during week 4. My mom's reaction was excitement tempered with snide comments like "4 weeks is barely pregnant - are you sure you didn't drop the test in the toilet?" My brother's response was to put us on hold so he could order his drive-thru dinner and then make jokes about no one will ever see our baby since we live in a different state from the rest of the family. We are now in week 9, but it has been pretty lonely without the complete support of my family. My dad's response was, "you know you'll have to stop drinking, right?" I know it could be worse. It's just hard not being able to share the joy and the experience with my family how I want to. My husband's family has been pretty ok about it, but I'm not supposed to "gloat" about being pregnant since someone in the family recently had a miscarriage. I'm confused about what I'm allowed to say and not say. It's hard enough feeling this emotional without the drama from families.
- —Guest LG
Do people this rude exist?
- My fiance and I have been engaged for a few months now and recently found out we're expecting. He is 37 and has no other children and is so excited! We told his mom and sister and they were over the moon for us. But when we went to tell his dad, he sat there in silence...than my fiance said "aren't you going to say something?...like congratulations??" and his response was "its not my problem." I just got up and left and told my fiance I would be waiting in the car for him. My fiance told him we are done with him. Is it wrong that I feel like I want to scream at this man? How rude.
- —Guest Liz
Rumors
- My husband and I already had two boys when we married and had decided that after we were wed a third child would be a great blessing and an appropriate time. He had finished school and was beginning his career, we were now married, we already had a house and the experience... seemed perfect! Shortly after we announced our preganancy his mother started rumors about how I "tricked" him into this baby and he never wanted any more. That was truly upsetting. Since then my husband has said at family gatherings that he is done and we are not having anymore - though he has been unable to let any of our baby stuff go 'just in case' we want another. Now we are expecting our fourth and it was a bit of a surprise this time. Typically we tell the family right away but this time we have decided to wait until the 2nd trimester.
- —Guest SO
What can I do?
- I am pregnant and know my partner will want me to have an abortion. The timing is not right as it is a complete accident. How can I tell him the news?
- —Guest jodie
Once Again...
- My husband and I have been married for just under one month, but we have been together for a while. I told my mom that I am pregnant (at 10.5 weeks) and she totally lost it. Her and my step dad hate my husband because he doesn't 'take care of me' the way that they expect. They are extremely nice to me and my husband considering we DO NOT live life the way they would want. My parents on the other hand cannot seem to keep their opinions out of my life. After telling her about the pregnancy she drove me to tears after complaining for thirty mins about his family, the wedding, her paranoid delusions about my husband, and of course saying I'm brainwashed... I cried for only a moment after hanging up on her, and went back to my normal day. I can't let her stress effect me.
- —Guest Ashley
Negativity all the way around
- I'm not 18 yet and I'm already pregnant with my 2nd child. I am 7 weeks and haven't told anyone but the baby's father who's happy. I know everyone else will be highly upset especially my mom because I just graduated this may. The last time she found out I was she wanted me to get an abortion, I didn't tell her but I was way too far along (8mo), I know this time she'd want me to do the same that's why I'm waiting to tell her but I'm really ready now. I'm tired of hiding my belly and wondering whats going on in there but I'd rather wait till I'm too far than to be pressured into abortion. I'm STRONGLY against it.
- —Guest
So much for Support
- My whole family was so upset at me for being pregnant that there was such a huge fight and my mom and sister in law is still not talking.I am going to be a single mom and they all blamed me for sleeping with my ex, but I truly loved him, I gave him a second chance and he broke my heart twice. It is my fault my heart was broken but its still my life. Found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks and I am now 18 weeks. It's been nothing but an emotional roller coaster with my family. My dad doesn't even treat me like I am pregnant. I guess this just proves that I am totally on my own and that's how it should be. Me and my baby. It's just been so depressing and I have now decided that I do not want to fight anymore.
- —Chanti77
Sister Stress
- I am 11 weeks and I told my family when I was 5 weeks, my husband and I had tried for children for 3 years with no luck and Dr's said we'd have to go through IVF but we conceived naturally and were so excited when I told my sister she was cold and didn't say any congrats. etc. And anytime I mentioned a symptom she would say oh it's too early for that etc and I felt she just didn't want to be supportive of me. She doesn't have children and has never been pregnant so she doesn't know anything about it. She then continued to say how happy she was for a mutual friend who was PG with her 2nd and I got very upset saying that it was odd she can be happy for those who fall PG easily and not her own sister who struggled and thought she'd never have children. Now she doesn't talk to me and I have left it that way too. But she's been like this since I got married we had arguments then too my parents think she's jealous of me. But I'm leaving it I don't need any stress from her!!
- —Guest CharlotteTalitha
Disbelief!
- When we told his mother she wasn't happy and didn't believe us. We had to email ultrasound photos and a pic of the pregnancy certificate for her to believe. Even after that she was angry and hateful. Asking us why we would do this to her! (make her a grandma) She already has 4! I'm married to her youngest son and we've been together four years! Our son is not to call her grandma only Tutu. It has taken the entire pregnancy and our son it 8 months today for her to come around. But I went through the what if he is retarded or down syndrome or stupid!if a bad thing could be said it was. Thank heaven for my family and his grandma! She asked for updates everyday as well as a pic of my son everyday! It is her love of her great-grandson that has made my husbands family come around. It hurt my husband to find out his mother was less than a kind person. We are working it out because she is the only grandma he has. It is working. Kindness really works as well as sticking to your guns.
- —Guest Lisa
Not always happy
- This is my second marriage, my husband has a 5 year old son that he has full custody of and I have 2 girls, 18 and 21 from my first marriage. When we got married last year, we discussed having a child of our own. I'm 38 and the 18 yo is a senior in high school and lives with us. The 18 yo broke to pieces. She just did not want to have to deal with this and was going to move back to her Dad's. Of course this tore me to pieces. We worked things out and she was going to stay. I ended up having a miscarriage within the week. Two months later I got pregnant again. We waited to tell her when both she and her sister were together along with my mom so she could feel like she had the support of the rest of the family and see how they were excited about this. Well, it was just a repeat, pure drama, not as bad. Her sister told her she was just being selfish. I'm now 11 weeks along and doing well and she is coming around.
- —Guest Stacey
Different than what I thought
- I got lucky I expected to be explaining why we did it when we did because I've got two very opinionated and man hating aunts and I expected to have to deal with them. They were very happy and I didn't have to explain myself at all... The rest of my family and his were very excited.
- —angelprincess11479
I'm a little scared
- We have to tell our friends who don't like us being together. I feel kinda scared, like they're gonna sabotage us or something. His best friend is dead against us, but I think we should tell him sooner or later. I was hoping it will let them all realize I'm here to stay. But then I'm worried they'll completely flip and go the other way around. What's the worst that could happen?
- —Guest sianna
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