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Help for Those Suffering from Gender Disappointment


Updated October 20, 2012

Gender disappointment is a real thing and can be very painful.

Gender disappointment is a real thing and can be very painful.

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Gender disappointment is when you wanted a girl and had a boy or vice verse. This sounds like a relatively minor issue, but many families have problems with gender disappointment that go beyond a bit of sadness. Some people wind up with depression. They may or may not seek treatment because of the way society looks down on gender disappointment.

Frequently those who suffer from gender disappointment hear, "You should be happy you have a healthy baby." These families are happy that they have a healthy baby, but still have sadness or depression. Here are somethings people who suffer from gender disappointment can do:

  • Be honest.
    It is hard to admit to yourself and others that you are disappointed or angry that your baby girl is a boy. But being able to confide in someone is helpful. It gives you a chance to find support and maybe even find out that there are others who feel as you do. Be selective of who you tell, find someone who is open and supportive of you.

  • Be gentle.
    Don't beat yourself up mentally or emotionally about how you feel. It's a feeling, you are working on it. Move forward, don't dwell on feelings of being mad or sad.

  • Find support.
    Find others who feel like you do, particularly if they feel like they have moved forward. This can help you find support as well as ideas to deal with the feelings that you may experience.

  • Seek professional help.
    Sometimes the feelings over gender disappointment are so great that professional help is important. You can seek this care before or after the birth or your baby. You can discuss ways to move on as well as how to handle discussions of future pregnancies.
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