12/27/97
So if you are reading this, and I am writing this we survived the holidays. Even if we weren't sure we would. I can't wait for 1997 to be over. Yes some great things happened this year BUT I have never felt so much heartbreak before.
December 23 my Husband and I had our first married fight. No screaming or yelling but we got everything out in the air. My depression was really getting to him. After hearing his side he had some good points made, so did I. Anyway I figured he is right this was not getting us anywhere. So Christmas Eve day I smartened up. That night only one comment was made about me having a baby.I dealt with it but started to think this is going to be hell if everyone starts. Well his family yakked about the SIL's boy for about 5 minutes then that was it. I was so surprised.
Christmas day even having to sit by a very very pregnant nephews girlfriend not one word was directed my way. Instead my SIL who was married a year before was being bombarded with baby questions. I felt sorry for her. But Christmas day with out my family actually went by with no mishaps.
My birthday is started early. My niece singing happy birthday to me early in the morning. Then my nephew making me listen to Barney sing it to me. So once awake we got up. We went to the other end of the island for the day. To walk on the beach and collect agates. Drove along the sand with the tide out, ate lunch there. Found two movies and figured we should visit a few people that had phoned and wished me a happy birthday. With people so busy I am always tickled when friends find a few minutes to phone me. So we get home at midnight and I think what a perfect day. I made it through the holidays without cracking up. Okay that was until I checked the answering machine. Bit of background first....
Three years ago when we first tried to conceive we had a young couple as close friends. We were the maid of honor and best man for their wedding. We hung out a lot. When we started trying they did. After six months I didn't want to do it anymore, didn't tell them and the next month she was pregnant. Very mad when she found out we had decided to wait. Anyway last month I told her about our troubles, she had a few drinks with me and seemed sympathetic, saying that when she has another one she wants us to be God parents. They wanted us for the first one but we declined, I am already responsible for three other children and we haven't even started our family. Well on the answering machine was a message from her she is pregnant. What she couldn't have told me back then. She is already three months, so she knew back when we had our conversation. I am amazed at her insensitivity. She couldn't have picked another day to tell me?
It is now the 27th. I keep looking at the phone thinking I should just call and congratulate them. She complains about everything when she is pregnant. Continues to smoke pot and cigarettes. Her husband walks around thinking he is the first man to ever do this. Being petty aren't I. I was wondering why they were so adament on spending my birthday with us. Thank god we didn't see them I'm sure it would have been much harder hearing it in person. No telling what I would have said. So I will wait a few days I guess to phone her. But I bet they show up here today to talk alllllll about it.
Well so close to a great holiday season. I'm on day 29 today. Temp is still up there. Wouldn't it be perfect to test on New Years Day and have a ++++++++ then when she does phone I will not say anything to her. Just congratulate her. Then when we do tell people she will be like hey why didn't you say anything to me when we talked. Rather immature I would think. But that is how I feel today.
Well my wonderful husband just came upstairs and gave me a hug. You know it'll be okay, 1998 is my year. I can feel it.
