After all, it was my birth, and what was more natural than birth, right? I was sadly mistaken. During the prenatal period, I was patted on the head and told that my 3 page birth plan was nice and they'd do their best for me. However, when I was in the hospital, I was shunned, treated with disdain, I didn't get my doctor (I got who was on call), and they picked my precious birth plan apart until all that was left happened to be "If a c-section deems necessary:"... I got the, "you aren't having strong enough contractions", "you are very small and probably don't have big enough pelvic bones", "your baby could die if we don't do this". Did I have my section? What parent would say, "Oh, I'll risk the potential death or permanant brain damage of my child."? I said ok. There was my baby, all 7lb6oz of her wriggling...and there I was, both arms strapped down to my table..feeling crucified, not allowed to hold her.

Upon getting pregnant for a second time 2 years later, I was very distraught. I didn't want anymore children. It had taken me long enough to recuperate from the first one to last a lifetime. So I prayed and dove into books. Many of them Bradley, but many not. Most books available on the market I discovered are "How to submit to your OBGYN" books, unfortunately, that was not a safe way for me to have a baby. I interviewed 2 OB's (the safest in my area, one having only a 15% c-section rate, low for where I was). I knew what to ask this time. I didn't get the answer I wanted. I interviewed 3 CNM's. They were at the mercy of whatever OB was on staff...and they still had a time frame for labor (I found no CNM's that do home births in my area). I found a cpm (certified proffessional midwife, homebirth-midwife for those who don't know). You know her first question to me was, "What do you want to have happen at your birth?" No one ever asked me that, or really cared what I wanted. That brought an instant sigh of relief. So home it was. That was the safest choice for me. I took Bradley classes this time. Aside from the fact that the course doesn't push the use of Doulas, the classes are top rate!

My labor started after my husband and I had a romantic evening. It was December31st and maybe we'd get that tax break after all? I had a very gradual labor. My sister came in the morning (She's a Bradley instructor and has had 2 home-births) and she made me walk. The ice on the ground discouraged us from walking outside, so we went and shopped at Wal-mart. I don't recall how long we shopped, I just know we left when I couldn't relax well through the contractions standing up. All I wanted to do was lie down. We called my midwife, and each time she wanted to talk to me, and she judged me by how chattery I was. We kept in touch over the phone several times. I don't know what time the phone call convinced her to come (it was dark). I just remember telling her, (incredulous I might add that I was handed a phone, I was so caught up in my labor) "I don't want to talk to you!" and threw the phone back to my husband. The next thing I knew, she was there. Shortly after that I threw up. And she got on the phone to her assistant...this is really it! I decided to go shower. I started whining to my husband, "I don't want to do this.", "I'm scared". What I was most afraid of was them taking me to the hospital. I really appreciated the warm hand that reached through the shower curtain to tell me, you can do this. I most remember (in retrospect, it's funny) him watching me like a hawk, while standing above me on the toilet, for any signs of transition (I discovered later), and reaching in occasionally for a kiss or a hug or wiping tears of fear away with a cheerful smile. What a love. I spent a lot of time in the shower, throughout the entire labor, sitting on a rubbermaid stool while leaning on the shower seat with my arms and head. (putting me in kind of a squat position w/ no straining) My labor got strong to the point that I could no longer relax early in the morning. (my water had broken a couple of hours before with a great big pop). My midwife was right with me at this point, never leaving my eyes. She held my hand tight and coached me through those tough transition contractions. Yelling made me feel better, so I yelled for the entire time. Upon my roar of, "I can't do this anymore!!!!!!!" (Which I don't remember saying, but thinking; however, I'm told I did yell) I remember seeing a smile on everyone's face. Did they not believe me or something? (thoughts that cross your mind when in labor). They started pulling out towels, helping me get into a pushing position and said, "Alright! Let's have a baby" Were they serious?

I pushed for an hour and forty-five minutes. I never worked so hard in my life. But suddenly, I had energy, and it felt so good to push. With my husband holding my up, I pushed a rested, pushed and rested. I ate a little at some point as well. Finally, I changed positions for a final time. I was at the edge of the bed in a semi-sitand and (out of instinct, I guess) I put the bottoms of my feet together, pulled them to my chest and gave 2 hard pushes. And in the mirror my sister was holding up, there was the crowned top of a beautiful head. Shiney with damp warmth, thick with hair, and it felt so good to the touch. When I pushed out that head, I couldn't believe it. My body naturally rested momentarily and I was breathing heavily from the effort and there was the baby's head, was this real? One more big push, and out came this giant baby. He was a little sluggish from being on my perineum for so long, but a wonderful pink, and so fat. I couldn't even hear my sister saying, "Oh it's a boy!" over my tear-filled, "I did it!!!! I did it all by myself!, {to my husband shaking him, like he didn't see, and who was balling} I did it, Karl!!! {to my sister} I did it!" And then they handed him to me with the comment of "That is one BIG baby, Danya!" and a huge smile. I could barely see him for all the tears, but he felt so warm on my skin, and I just wanted to touch every part of him and feel that moment forever. I was a woman, and I did it. Hugs and eternal gratitude to the women who helped bring this wonderful little guy into the world, followed. I had everyone crying. This was my best day!

I encourage whole-heartedly natural childbirth. There is no pain, really, just HARD work. The Bradley classes helped me a lot. Relaxation is definitely the key to labor. Go for it! It has made me complete after the trauma of my terrible experience the first time, and the gap it made in my life. I am now training to be a home-birth midwife myself, every woman deserves this opportunity. And I'm forever grateful for my second chance.

Danya