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Robin Elise Weiss, LCCE

Mother-In-Law Hurt by Not Being at Birth

By December 4, 2012

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I've written a lot about mother-in-laws and others not being invited to birth. There is also a spot for others to share their stories over the years, so have been very supportive of mother-in-laws, while others haven't. (I might add that some were also anti-grandma in general.) Then I got a response from a mother-in-law:

Grandma and Baby

"I've had a very hard day today. My DIL had a planned C-sec. Her and my son said we want you and her mom there only in the waiting room. I said great happy to be there for their first. A half hour before I was to arrive at hosp. son called and said there were delays, her mom said to me I will call you after the birth. Yes I'm hurt and my son doesn't understand why. Her mom of course was there. We all get along great, should I feel left out and hurt? They sent me a pic over my phone."

What advice do you have for her? Can you see yourself in this situation?




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July 27, 2012 at 11:27 am
(1) RNGVE00 says:

I can understand your hurt feelings at such a special time. It’s easy to read into the situation but I encourage you to focus on this wonderful moment. As a nurse and childbirth educator I try to encourage new parents to to hold off on family coming to the hospital for the birth. This is an extra special time for the new mom and dad and they need to take in those precious moments without having to worry about family. Family is important and need to recognize that these precious few hours after birth is time for mom, dad and baby to get to know one another. Family should be present after the new family has settled into the postpartum room to support them, love them and welcome the newest addition to the family. Not being present at the birth may seem like you are being exluded but you are not. Consider instead that you are protecting an incredible precious time for this new family and your grandchild that happens only once. Focus on the birth of the baby and your son’s new role as a father. Congratulations and best wishes!

August 1, 2012 at 2:29 pm
(2) grandmadoula says:

It is hard for parents to understand why they are not invited in to a birthing room and this is a sensitive issue. As a labor & postpartum doula of many years I have seen the frustration and utter exhaustion the birthing mother and her partner endure when family creates what I call “loving diversions” by phoning, texting or showing up to dealt with. All good intentions, but what expecting parents need are well-educated and informed assistance who can support the birthing woman’s birth wishes as she and her partner want the experience to be providing all things are normal in the birthing scenario. Family members may not be up to date from their own birth experiences to present date renewal of long forgotten birthing patterns as well as what new modern hospital birthing practices throw into the mix with inductions, pitocin and even, epidurals usually leading many into the OR for a C-section. My advice to parents with children about to be parents is to listen to what they want. If you are not an up to date doula, midwife or doctor, please take the time to go to classes with your kids to learn what method of birthing they prefer. If you can help support them and they are comfortable with it, then by all means help, but please don’t or as a cheerleader in the wings or a spectator.
We have so much scientific evidence that babies are most alert and should be skin to skin with their moms immediately after birth for not only nursing, but the bonding by Mom and Dad. Studies have shown that mothers who nurse not only protect, provide nutrition but also have a whole higher level of caring for the baby……this helps alleviate
child abuse! So, please ask, don’t direct or just show up!

December 13, 2012 at 2:16 am
(3) JayJay says:

I had my mother and husband in the delivery room with me for both of my kids. I kindly explained to my MIL that I wasn’t comfortable with anybody else in the room for the fact that my mother and my husband had already seen me naked. So I didn’t need more of my family that I see everyday in the room. She was completely ok with it. And she was there seconds after they were born. Don’t take it personally I’m sure with all the pressure and excitement you were not intentionally left out. My husband didn’t know where to stand never mind who to call. And I was concentrating so hard on breathing and pushing I had no idea who was or wasn’t in the room.

January 31, 2013 at 6:07 pm
(4) mary says:

You silly woman. Would you have liked your mother in law to see you naked

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