Last year, during a client's pregnancy she argued with her family about when they were to be called to the hospital. The pregnant mom said that she would feel watched even from the waiting room and begged that they stay home until she called, probably around the time she started pushing. Her thoughts were that they would be more comfortable at home and that she could relax and know that they were comfortable. They hated the idea. They wanted to know right away. Their compromise was that they would be called right away but promised to stay home until a second call came.
Do I need to tell you how this one worked out? The mom called as soon as she was admitted, knowing that the baby was hours away. The family came anyway. They continually asked the nurses for updates. The nurses asked the mom and dad if they wanted them to have updates or allow anyone back into the labor room. And at one point the grandma-to-be parked herself outside the door of the labor room refusing to leave. The few people who did stay home got the second call, nearly 25 hours after the first call. They came up to the hospital. Once the baby was born, it was too difficult for dad to leave the room to give the good news immediately because they wouldn't allow him back in. By the time they had clothes on mom, baby was done with routine procedures and everything else it was about 90 minutes and the family had gone home upset...
Ouch. This is totally not the way it should be. But it's so hard to be in the waiting room. I know that.
Recently, I had the privilege of teaching a birth doula training. We spent a lot of time talking about how to comfort laboring women and their families during birth. One of the things that came up was people in the waiting room while mom was giving birth. We talked about how hard it is to be in the waiting room when someone else is in labor. My students said that they felt scared, anxious, useless and lots of other words.
This made me wonder what it felt like to moms knowing that they had people in the waiting room waiting. When I started asking them, they said they felt like they had performance anxiety, nervous, like they were making people suffer or wait. Goodness, if everyone is feeling so uptight about having people in the waiting room at the hospital - why are we doing it? Would you rather have your family waiting in the comfort of their own home? Or do you like the access?
Related:
- Delivery Room Don'ts
- 10 Ways to Comfort a Laboring Woman
- Positions for Labor
- Who's who in the delivery room?
Photo © iStockPhoto
I want my family at home waiting but they may not listen to me. If they do come I’ve given my doula and my husband instructions to not let me know if they are in the waiting room.
for our first child, both of our families were in the waiting room- waiting… for about 36 hours, they waited, then went home exausted after seeing the new little one, and every one slept the next day while I sat in the hospital-bored.
for our 2nd, I talked my husband into agreeing that we’d wait until after she was born to call- of course, this didn
t go over well with family that lives over 3 hours away… but we decided we could always blame it on a rush to the hospital- “were’nt able to call! Sorry!”
we actually did have quite a quick trip to the hospital, and a short labor, but our out of towners had come into town that morning “on a hunch” that we’d deliver that day. Thankfully my husband took it in his own hands and did not tell me until after our daughter was born…
We had a midwife attended homebirth, so we had control over who was there, whether I wanted them in the room, etc. We decided since this was my first, that I’d feel like a watched pot. We did let the family know I was in labor, and called and gave them the all clear to come after the birth and after we’d had a little bit of time to enjoy our new baby. I think it worked out well but next time I may be more open to having people there.
The first — I told my family beforehand that no one was coming to the labor room. But I was admitted for an induction and they strolled in. It was okay until my sister showed up with the guy she had begun dating 2 weeks before. I had a little hospital gown, tubes running up into my uterus to monitor the baby and resupply my broken water…and I was in pain. They sat there eating donuts until I finally kicked everyone out. Luckily the date is now my BIL and the godfather of #2 but I still get a bit anxious just remembering the whole thing.
Sounds like a wild ride. Glad it all worked out in the end, but it really does show how it can feel on the other end.
Robin
Both sets of grandparents and my beloved SIL were in the waiting room — I wanted them there. In fact, when my parents got the “first call” late at night, they said they were going to stay home until the morning. I hung up so sad they wouldn’t be there, but fortunately they called back to say they were already on the road.
In the delivery room for baby #1 – just my husband. For baby #2 – him, his teen daughter, and my mom. For baby #3…. I’ll have to send an evite. JK
Some years ago my then-boyfriend’s younger brother and sister-in-law were expecting the first grandchild in the family, so everyone was deeply invested, etc. He and I went by very early in labor when we could still see the expectant mom & dad and wish them well (these brothers were VERY close and had been through a lot together, so it was important to them in special ways). Then we left and waited for a phone call. My boyfriend then went to the hospital and I waited until they were home to see the new baby. It was a good compromise.
For the 13 hours of labor – not the pushing part – my Mom and two sisters were in the room with me and my husband. Once things got intense, my Mom and younger sister (who was three months from having her own first baby) left for the waiting room while my older sister stayed to help coach me until the pushing part so my husband could rest. Once I got to the pushing part, she left and it was just me, my husband and a million different doctors and pediatricians. Well, maybe only a dozen, but it felt like a million. I wouldn’t have had it any other way because having my Mom, et al there kept me from being bored and made the day go by faster.
In contrast, my younger sister’s boyfriend’s family came up for my sister’s labor and delivery and there were around 30 of them trying to squeeze into the room. If my older sister hadn’t kicked them out, they would have stayed in for my sister’s exams, delivery – everything! I couldn’t have handled all those people so for once, I was glad the majority of OUR family is a plane ride away and couldn’t bother me during my delivery!!
Or…you could have MY EXPERIENCE…BEING IN LABOR while WAITING in the lobby. The staff just left me screaming & delivering my kid. 40 minutes sitting in a wheel chair having a baby while doctors walked past me in disgust.
Our parents both live on the opposite end of the country, so we didn’t have them in the waiting room, but if they lived here I’m sure we would have! For our first, we called everyone on our way to the hospital, and my one cousin who lives here in town came a couple of hours before he was born but waited very unobtrusively in the waiting room. With our second, said cousin was babysitting #1. We also called everybody on our way out the door, but this time, my mother and my mother-in-law called my hospital room seriously, about every hour to see how things were going. Grrrr! We’re fine! Don’t call us- we’ll call you! The last time my MIL called and I was finally in hard labor, I must have been a little gruff asking her not to call back, because she stopped calling. My mother was so panicked about my labor not going as fast as she thought it should that she made my dad sit with her all day until the baby was born at 10:30 at night! From then on, when we go into labor, we only call our babysitter and we don’t tell my MIL even the name of the hospital (major metro-lots of hospitals)! That way everyone simply gets the “surprise” phone call that baby’s finally here.
Ah, good old family dystocia. I teach people in my childbirth ed classes to simply not bring anyone along who will not fully support their process. If parents are too afraid to speak up about invasive family members, they are enabling behaviour that WILL be destructive to labour, and this needs to be explored prenatally.
Hi there ,
I have this idea ,
I have a 4 bedroom condo right across a birthing center with no suitable waiting room for the family of the women in labor .
I was thinking to convert it into a comfortable waiting place for the families .
I was thinking of providing services such as :
-Internet
-TV room
-private resting rooms for the waiting husband / family
-home made food / drink
-professional advise sessions by an expert on hints for the father
-and promoting some child care products such as car air purifiers for smoking parents , baby car seat , …ect .
I’d like to have your idea as an expert on followings ;
Do you thing would this idea be welcome by the waiting families
how many hours ( in general ) families wait in a birthing center for birth ?
would you advise on any other services i can provide in there ,
thank you in advance for your advise ,