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Readers Respond: Advice for Not Wanting Sex While Pregnant?

Responses: 36

By

Updated September 04, 2010

I want sex but...

I am 10 weeks pregnant with my 1st child and just married! I want 2 have sex but tired all the time. I'm also nervous to have sex because I fear miscarrying! My husband is super understanding but I want it just like he does I just never feel like it. I will try 2 fulfill his needs in other ways because they are important as well!
—Guest Guest jeanine

No desire

In my first pregnancy I wasn't too horny. My second pregnancy my doctor stopped me at 5 months due to complications. I'm on my third pregnancy and between the first and forth we were both horny. We have not have sex in over 3 months. I don't think I really want too but he's not even interested and does not even attempt to approach me. I can't help but feeling unwanted and unloved. It really does affect my self confidence because I'm big and fat BUT it's he who has me like this.
—Guest Unwanted

Double standards? Only 1 pregnant!!

Some of these comments are ridiculous...caring for the woman who is carrying your baby is not the same as actually carrying the baby. Making her a cup of tea or sharing the housework is not the same as your body expanding and pushing a human being out of you....then having to come to the terms with the fact your body will NEVER look the same after that. I dont think waiting for sex and doing some housework is much to ask...
—Guest lavenderlilly

It's not just about not wanting to

I am almost 5 months pregnant with my second child. I have always had a high sex drive, except when I'm pregnant. I finally wanted sex in the third trimester the first time. This pregnancy has been awful with nausea. I satisfy my husband with my hands because I am too sick to do much else. But these men whining and complaining are irritating me. Give yourself a hand job and get over it. Your wife feels sick and tired 24/7 and there is no relief. If you are sexually frustrated, satisfy yourself until your wife feels better and try to be a little less like bratty boys and more like loving men and partners. You have no idea what sex is like for a woman and how pregnancy can make a woman feel. So get over yourselves.
—Guest Sarah

Bad wife...?

I am usually extremely sexually driven and have always had more of a sex drive than my husband - except during my pregnancies. Now we are pregnant for a third time and the lack of desire is even more substantial. Since the birth of our second child 8 months ago, sex has been painful and enjoyable. I really have no desire to and I feel awful to be denying my husband. I've been told that it's not right to withhold it, that I'm selfish, that sometimes you "have to make sacrifices when you love someone". But it's more than not wanting to. Any position is painful and I really don't think I should have to endure it. I'm not sure why it hurts so much and doctors have not been able to make a concrete diagnosis. I'm fine with any type of oral sex any time he wants but that's not enough for him anymore and I'm really at a loss of what to do. Should I suffer through? Is it my responsibility to keep him happy? Should I blame him if he ends up cheating on me? I don't know.
—Guest 22 year old Mama

Both sides have needs

We are at 10 weeks pregnant and have yet to have sex since conception. It sucks bad! I don't feel like men should be deprived in such a way. All it takes is a simple act of sexual fulfillment and we are fine. Oral sex, hand sex, anal sex, or vaginal intercourse; anything would be nice. Women would be up-in-arms if we deprived them of intimacy for months on end. I would never stop snuggling with her or listening to her just because I didn't feel well.
—Guest Matt

LOVED SEX

While I was preggo me and my hubby had sex a lot when I wasn't tired and now I'm horny all the time. We have sex before he goes to work, sometimes on his lunch break, before dinner and after dinner. LOVE SEX!
—Guest Horny

Double Standards

Thank you Sara for pointing out that it is a two way street. This is our 3rd pregnancy, and each time I take on nearly ALL of her responsibilities until she feels better. Do you think I FEEL like it? Do I FEEL like meeting her every need while she is sick? Of course not, but I do it. There is a double standard that we are to do all the things we need to do, and then accept that sex is a no go. I mean it does not even have to be intercourse to relieve that urge. I think women should jump in more. She can go shopping and go out during this time... she has ups and downs and uses the ups to do what she wants to do. It is a double standard for us to give give give, and none is given back. It has been weeks for me and I am about to EXPLODE.
—Guest Trey

sex

I really enjoy being on top during sex. It's really enjoyable to me and my partner.
—Guest Heather M.

I want sex but he doesn't...

I am 28 weeks and I'm really just now starting to get big... I want sex now and really always have but there's times where I come at him wanting some and he doesn't seem interested and when I'm not around he is taking matters into his own hands. That doesn't make me feel to good about myself right now and I take it personally, should I? We talked a couple of times about how I feel and he says it's just not the same having sex with me because I'm limited to certain positions but I still want to have sex all the time and he doesn't. What do I do?
—Guest Feeling unwanted

It's great

My woman and I are 7 months pregnant with number 3. I was reading some of these other post, and couldn't help but post. Sex is a great and emotional during pregnancy. Her first trimester was little to no sex. She was constantly sick and tired. Although she was not in the mood, she did make an effort to keep sex going. Although I understand her situation, she wanted to do do this for me. At least once a week. I didn't pressure her at all. The second trimester was much the same as the first. But it wasn't the sickness or being as tired. It was her being bigger and insecure about her body. I find her absolutely beautiful and tell her every single day. The third trimester is much much more sexually active. She is very horny all the time. So guys be patient. It doesn't last forever. Be understanding and supportive to her needs.
—Guest Understanding man

Sex

Get this through your heads men; women do not like sex the way you all do. Some women lie and pretend that they like it a lot, but they really don't. You know how men will shop and hold intimate conversations with us but would rather rather be doing something else?? Well women are the same way with sex. Everything is not always about a man and his selfish needs.
—Guest Pam in the valley

Needs...

Men and women have very different needs as humans. Refusing sex and denying him because you don't want to is nearly the same as him not communicating (our biggest need) because he "doesn't want to." We should meet eachother's needs whatever they are to the best of our ability.
—Guest Sara

She doesn't want me!

Since we got pregnant my woman has not expressed very much if any interest in sex. At first I pushed and we did it once or twice and there was a day or two afterwards where she didn't feel well, had some spotting and was generally not feeling well. I assumed it was because of what we'd done and said "okay it's not worth losing a baby over" now a lot of time has passed and we haven't done anything and today she told me she was worried about us not having sex and thought it might be a sign that I'm cheating. I want her, I'm a faithful man and I love my woman and our children! I am not cheating and am now wondering how to approach this situation without adding to the tension surrounding this subject. I'd love to have sex, be affectionate or be intimate in SOME way and I assumed all this time that she didn't want to. So I stopped pushing a resigned myself that it was over until it's over. Now it seems like that may have been a wrong choice. How do I turn it around?!
—Guest Marctree

no sex please!!

I am just married and we just found out that we were pregnant and since then I haven't had the desire to have any love making of any sort. I have tried and tried to explain it to him in the best ways I know and its still not getting through to him... Also when you are pregnant it is only 9 mo that's right but when I told him after birth we would probably have to wait 6 more weeks i thought his head was going to do a complete 180...
—Guest 6 weeks along

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