Wow! Did you really just say that?
- Last June after messing up my birth control, I was surprised to find out I was pregnant. I was so excited but wanted to wait a week to tell my husband. But a few days later, I wound up miscarrying. He was upset I didnt tell him about the pregnancy but he was very comforting. To this day he helps me keep my sanity around my family. When we told my mother (keep in mind my sister is the center of everything my parents talk about)...the first thing out her mouth was, "Well, think about your poor sister. She may not even be able to have babies." REALLY? I was furious! Four months later my sister broke the news that she was 4 wks pregnant. She actually called me back to the bathroom to talk to her while she peed. She had the nerve to take a pregnancy test in front of me and say, "Oh, I just love when they say positive!". Thanks for rubbing it my face sis. Only thing getting me thru her pregnancy, is know my husband and I are going to try again in spring.
- —Guest Tara
4 weeks, but still heartbreaking.
- I misscarried about a month ago.. I was around 4 weeks. Hadn't been to the doctor yet, however my pregnancy test was positive. For 4 days my husband and I were so excited with the new news (we have been trying for a few months now)!! I also had thought I was pregnant for the whole month... I was so excited. But there was bleeding & cramps.. and so I took another test & it was suddenly negative. I told my mom, best friends and some family... everyone was supportive and continues being supportive.. thankfully. For me, the worst is when I KNOW someone knows about the miscarriage, but doesn't say anything about it to me. It is hurtful - like they don't think its important enough to mention. My good friend just had a baby, and another friend is pregnant. I'm ashamed to admit it.. but I am so jealous. I wish I was still pregnant, and am scared it will never happen for us. I still feel so heartbroken about it... and feel silly to be so worked up about it as well.
- —Guest Alana
Drs. should know what NOT to say
- I was 50 and had no idea I could still get pregnant! When I found out my partner and I were in shock but we both wanted to continue the pregnancy. I made a doctors appt. and had my hCG levels checked. From the first appt. doctors didn't think that I had a viable pregnancy and told me over and over that most likely I would miscarry because it was rare to see someone my age with a natural pregnancy. I had an ultra-sound at 4 weeks and there was an implatation but kept calling it a "mass". My hCG levels were high (32,000) but rising slowly. The doctors said that the egg might not be fertilized and most likely it was a blighted ovum, etc. etc. All this without any real proof. It broke my heart because I felt and looked pregnant. My partner and I decided not to go back to the doctor but enjoyed the pregnancy while it lasted. We told friends and family. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. We are sad but what a beautiful 9 weeks we had with our baby (away from the neg. doctors)
- —Dmax13
God's Plan!
- Two months after the wedding I got pregnant with my first angel. We were so happy till miscarriage at the 9th week. It was not easy at all having miscarriage at the same time receiving congrats on both wedding & pregnancy. We were having hard times till I got pregnant very soon. We were carefull about this one, we loved him/her so much, we were talking kissing laughing with this angel celebrating each time we scan. At the end of the 16th week I had the second miscarriage which is not compared with the first. It is really painful and stressful, nothing said could help! It was last week so maybe im still griefing. I'm really afraid going throw this again! But all I can say -as I belive- that God will give us the right angels at the right time as he planed for us. God bless us all and protect our children and homes.
- —Guest Madeleine
Very rude
- At 28, I have had two miscarriages- both at 10-12weeks. The first miscarriage, I was so devastated- I had fallen in love with this little life inside me and like that he/she was gone. The usual responses of it wasn't your time & you're young you can try again were repeated both times but with this last pregnancy- my third- I was told I was miscarrying after going to the ER with the dreaded bleeding and cramps. I was told to go home and wait for him to pass on his own and if the natural process didn't occur by Monday my OB would schedule the D & C. Through all of my grief, my mother was the least supportive. She couldn't understand why I didn't want to talk to her on the phone and she actually said "Well none of this would have happened if you hadn't been having sex. You were already pregnant for Gods sake". FYI- I wasn't having sex- I was terrified to wipe to hard when I went to the bathroom!! My son is now 5 months old- the Drs were wrong about miscarriage 3.
- —Guest Kimberly
*kirby*
- The doctors tell me I'm going to have a miscarriage any time now. When I told my family this information they told me things like "it was too early for you to even care" and "it wasn't even a real baby yet" but I am 6 weeks so to me it is! I truly despise people for saying that because they don't understand what I'm feeling!!! My baby is still inside of me and they say I shouldn't care? People are just ignorant.....
- —Guest Kirby
butmom
- I have two wonderful sons. I have lost two babies, the first in my second trimester. I have a sister who brought her just born grandbaby over to "cheer me up" the day after my D&C with the first. A week later she told me my grief wasn't normal and I needed to be on hormones or something. This same sister told me all was well after my second loss because HER daughter-in-law had just found out SHE was expecting. I have been told, "it was defective," "I don't like the father," "at least you already have one child," "you could always adopt if your body doesn't work." I could go on and on. I even had someone tell me I was just having a bad period. The kindest thing was,"God must've needed another angel." I'm truly sorry for all the pain being felt by everyone posting. I have felt it and the pain of childbirth is far less than the pain of miscarriage. I know. My kids are almost 18 years apart. My doc figured out it was a progesterone deficiency. 2 months shy of my 44th bday my son was born.
- —noonereally
Whatever
- I miscarried at 8 weeks.the look on my husbands face was horrible. He just looked at me, white as a ghost and didn't say a word. A long simple hug.
- —Guest Lauren
still hurting deep inside
- 6yrs after having an ectopic pregnancy and losing one of my fallopian tubes i thought id never get pg again then in march 2011 i found out i was. excitement quickly turned to sadness. almost 12wks in2 the pregnancy i started bleeding heavily while at work. i ended up going to the hospital while in the doctors room i was being examined. i heard the doctor ask the nurse for a pair of forceps. i had miscarried and the dead fetus was pulled out of me. seeing the fetus put in a specimen container broke my heart. i cried. i left feeling so empty inside. some pple told me that it wasnt a big deal. it was. until u lose a part of u then maybe u can understand wat i felt. it has been 6months and im still hurting
- —jenksantiago
At a loss
- My husband and I have had 3 miscarriages now. We thought this last one we were in the clear, a heartbeat that was strong, measurements were great and everything looked good. I thought I was over reacting to the cramps I was having but we were soon to learn that was not the case. The heartbeat was gone and there was nothing we could do. No one has answers for us and we are at the point of giving up. People do not know what to say but it is amazing to me the things that come out of people's mouths. "I totally know what you are going through" "If you just do...that will make you feel better." "Dont worry, you can just try again until you get it right" "Keep practicing" Really, maybe I am crass but if you have never experienced this you don't know how I feel, especially if you have healthy children, We were not just practicing. When trying to console someone who has had a loss like this it is sometimes better to just listen than say anything and respect their wishes while they deal with it.
- —Guest sbkateia
Better not to say much...
- I had an early miscarriage, at 6 weeks. People seem to think that if it happens early, it should be easy- but you are still losing all of that excitement and expectation for being a parent. It's a complicated emotional time, and everybody is different. Let the grieving person tell you how they feel about it rather than them them how they SHOULD feel.
- —Guest Erika Claire
Ectopic Pregnancy
- I recently lost my baby and my fallopian tube to an ectopic pregnancy. While I am lucky to be alive, I too have been absolutely shocked by the inexcusably awful things people have said to me. From the insensitive 'at least you're alive, that's all that matters' to the nasty 'You're being punished' to absolutely unbelievable 'it never happened, you're making it up to get attention'. I have been abused for my loss since it happened a month ago. It really makes you wonder what the people who treat us this way expect from others in their hour of need... And if nothing else, what's in it for them?
- —Guest Harmony
I didn't even realize what a mess I was
- I miscarried at 12 weeks on my 2nd pregnancy. My first pregnancy has been so easy, that it was quite a shock. I remember being the most disgusted with my doctor who didn't give me any idea what to expect. I had gone for my first ultrasound and knew something was wrong when the tech turned the monitor so I couldn't see it and told me to go straight to my doctor to discuss the results. All my doctor said was I would miscarry and to go to the hospital if the bleeding was worse than a period. I woke up that night to a gush of blood, had to be rushed to the ER, and have an emergency D&C. The hospital moved me into a maternity room I shared with a woman who had just delivered twins. I remember thinking to myself that that should not be allowed. Thankfully I was able to go home quickly. When I told my boss I needed a week off, doctor’s orders because I'd lost so much blood, she fired me. I must have been totally numb, because in the moment I wasn't getting emotional, it took me weeks to realize just how upset I was, my husband thankfully was very supportive. But he could only do so much. My daughter, who was almost 1 at the time, was my only real consolation, I found myself going into her room at night and sleeping on the floor beside her crib, holding her constantly, and crying like a baby every time I dropped her at the babysitter when I went back to work. The most helpful I heard was any story from any woman who had also gone through a miscarriage. My advice on what to say if someone you know is going through this is this: if you've been through it, share your experience, if not, don't say anything more than I'm here for, whatever you need.
- —Guest Sara
From a man's perspective . . .
- My wife and I had two miscarriages. Then a successful pregnancy to term (our son is now 17 months old). Recently we had another early miscarriage. Men do not suffer the same physical and emotional turmoil as women. However, men have their own grief process post-miscarriage. For men, one of the biggest struggles is simply being ignored. Many people understand that it is tough for my wife. When people talk to me about it, they mostly ask how she is holding up. Sometimes I just want to tell them "WE were pregnant, and WE miscarried." I don't deal with the hormonal and physical issues, but the baby was real in my heart and dreams. My wife heard all of the terrible things that people say. The most helpful comment came from my friend who had also dealt with a miscarriage. I told him about it, and he said "there's nothing to say except 'it sucks.'" My wife and I have used the "it sucks" comment a lot since then. There's really no explanation--it just sucks.
- —Guest Ryan
A painful experience
- I just miscarried at 7 weeks. I've been most comforted by what my husband said-someday my little one will be placed in my arms in heaven and will grow up there. I lost my first born at 9 days old, he was a twin to my oldest and they were born at 25 weeks. Both of my sweet little ones will be there with me in the world to come. Its bittersweet but it gives me much hope. The Lord has got me thru this and I'm hopeful to try again as soon as possible. The hardest part was having to explain to my almost 4 year old that the baby is not in my tummy anymore. He was looking forward to being a big brother. I picked a name for our baby (unisex name -didn't know the gender). That has helped tremendously. If you've never been thru this before you really don't know how difficult it is to deal with. Just because you never got a chance to know that child doesn't minimize the grief or sense of loss. Its the same at 7 weeks gestation as 9 days old. Someone loved, however briefly, has passed away.
- —Guest still trying to heal
