From the article: 5 Ways to Tell Your Mother-in-Law That She's Not Invited to Your Birth
There is a lot of pressure these days to invite your mother-in-law to your birth. For some families this works really well, for others, not so much. Does it matter if you're having a home birth or a hospital birth? Do you feel pressure to invite her for the birth? Is that pressure from your mother-in-law or your partner? Or even society? How did you talk to her, no matter what you wanted from her at the time of birth? Share Your Advice
To be fair
- As a daughter, I totally get the unique relationship between mothers and daughters (who are pregnant). Any woman should have only those she wants at the hospital and in the labor & delivery room. No one, including her mother, should intrude or try to control any part of the experience. MIL's should completely admire, love, honor, pamper, and follow the lead of the beautiful woman who married her son & bears her grandchildren! However, though the dear hubbies don't carry or labor - your child is as much his and your MIL should be treated with the same love & respect as your mother. The MIL is the other grandmother, not a second class grandmother. You are the woman of your home, in charge of your family, with your husband- you come first in his life and your children's lives .... But your mom and your MIL will&can be your strongest female allies through the challenges of childbearing & rearing. Just because she's his mom, doesn't make MIL less important than yours. Give her chance
- —Guest MIL
keeping it quiet
- my mother in law has put me in an akward position.she asked me outright if she could be at the birth,not long after second scan.it caught me off guard as I hadn't had a chance to think about it.i didn't really give a response,just said if its ok with midwifes and ill see how I feel.at the time I wasn't sure what I wanted.she keeps asking and telling me with her first two grand children she felt cut out.she didn't even know theyd been born till a week after...guilt trip! my bf is very supportive, hes happy to go with whatever I decide.at first I thought some support for him would be nice ,give him a break.however he says im not going to get a break ,so why should he. my midwife has been great too,asking how I feel about it. weve decided to go with her advice,let them know ive gone into labour then just not contact them until its all over.ive already told my mil theres no point her being there from get go.
- —Guest sharon
yes for me but no for some
- My mil and I are extremely close and I would never think of making her wait in the waiting room. I would have been hurt if she tried. I feel bad for all the women who said they dislike or don't trust their mother in law. On the other hand I think the delivery room is a place where a woman should feel comfy so I think its silly to worry about hurting sometimes feelings when they aren't concerned with yours.
- —Guest Kristin
huh
- I've never even heard of anyone except dad being there.
- —hellio02
MIL
- Some day ladies you will be the MIL, and you can see how it feels.
- —Guest K
He'll fin no
- With my first I planed on me my partner an my mum to be there as I don't handle pain well or nudity I don't have a close relationship with mil but she thinks we do and went I went in to labour she came rushin in at 8hrs along and kept ask in mr bf if her wonted a ole or food and counting my contractions and tellin me I could scream if I wanted but all I wonted was to punch her and I'm not a Agro person , so this time Iv been droping hints that's she not welcome but just think of not telling her I'm in labour
- —Guest St
Ridiculous
- This is the 21st century, and women are still afraid to tell unwanted people that they want privacy in the delivery room. What is wrong with women? Are we that spineless? I'll bet husbands would not allow their mothers and mothers in law to watch as their genitals are naked during a vasectomies. Women have got to maintain some decent levels of privacy like men do!
- —Guest Jean
Why Do We Disrespect Pregnant Women?
- It's hard to believe that this is Dec. 2102, and we are still discussing a woman's rights, namely privacy in the delivery room. If I can get someone in the law making area to hear me, I will ask about legislation for pregnant patients. And know I am not crazy, just tired of this disrespect for females' privacy. It's a darn shame that nurses and doctors allow non medical persons to burst up in the delivery room, but won't let people burst up in the vasectomy and prostate exam rooms. Go figure !
- —Guest Jean
No Mother In Law
- For my husband and I first child he didnt allow anyone in the delivery room. He was like this is our child and no one needs to be in here all in my business. Then after he was born my husband made calls to let family and friends know that our baby was born. For our second baby when he or she is born she wont be in the room this time around either!!!
- —Guest Lachele
Mother in laws over step boundaries
- I really don't get why so many females are scary and weak. I respect my man, but one thing I will not allow, is for him to let his mom and dad overstep my boundaries. All this stuff about it's his baby too, is crap and a cop out. Childbirth is nothing to play with. All these crazy, ridiculous trends that suggest that a woman allow all these people to come and look at ther vagina and breasts when she delivers and breastfeeds her baby, is a load of bull. Listen young childbearing females, if you do not have a strong mom and sister, to help you, then do this. Get some backbone and tell hubby that he must not have people coming into the delivery room while you are uncomfortable, in pain, and naked. Tell the hospital security to clear out all unwanted guests. A pregnant woman does not have time to entertain labor room in laws. She is about some serious business. And if your hubby is silly and think this is playtime and joke time, tell him to take the noise to the hallway.
- —Guest Jean
Women's decision
- Please teach our girls as they grow up that a man cannot invite who he wants in the delivery room, because, you are naked and in pain, not him.
- —Guest Jean
Childbirth
- Women have got to be strong. We need to remember that our daughters, nieces, and grandgirls are watching us to see how they will need to be stong. One place I know for sure that our hyhsbands cannot control. They cannot control labor and childbirth. Why would we tell women that because it's his baby too, that he can tell you what you should do for your body in the delivery room. Do you think our men would allow us to tell them how to lay, or stand and what type of meds to get for his vasectomy and prostate exam. Women had better get some sense. Women, you need to get your sister or mom in the room to block your in laws and your dad, if your husband doesn't respect you enough to follow your wishes. A man will not respect you if he can control everything. Try it if you don't believe it.
- —Guest Jean
NO!!!!!!
- The last thing I want is for my MIL to be there. I tried telling her that she is more then welcome after the baby is born but not during... & as soon as I said that she tried arguing with me saying NO I WILL BE THERE. That is not the case! I feel uncomfortable & will tell every nurse in the hospital I dont want her there if I have to. It's ridiculous. This is my request & I'm being told no? I dont like the fact that everyone will be taking pictures right after the delivery, & the fact that everyone else gets to call about MY announcement. My request was for everyone to get a call about an hour after the delivery. But that request has started arguments also. This is my baby, my vagina and my wishes...I dont understand why everyone cant just accept my requests. Instead I have to be rude...
- —Guest Cassie
Stand Up To Husband's Disrespect
- I am not a man or husband hater, but this piece of advice is needed to all scary, weak, pregnant and future pregnant women. Say to your husband before you get pregnant and after you find out that you are pregnant, "Listen honey, I'm telling you now, from jump street, that I am the one whose vagina will be exposed, therefore I will not allow or need your mom and dad looking at me while I am exposed and in pain. This is one of those times that you make the decision and do not need to discuss this with your husband since you will be naked and not him. Tell hubby or boyfriend, that he cannot let them sneak into the room, unless they remove their clothes. Tell him that you are serious and are putting your foot down, and this is one thing that he cannot boss. Don't be afraid of your man, ladies. Stand up to him, he would stand up to you if you asked to let your mom and dad watch his prostate exam and vasectomy. Remember also, to tell the nurses to kick your in laws out and ask no questions.
- —Guest Jean
Privacy Please!!!
- Please mothers of pregnant daughters and husbands. Protect your wife and daughter's privacy. Her dad, mother in law, and father in law should not be in that room. This is why birth stalls and is uncomfortable!! You do not need to give up modesty and privacy!! That is a myth!!
- —Guest Jean
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