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Readers Respond: What did you tell your mother-in-law about your birth?

Responses: 64


Updated March 04, 2010

Mother in laws over step boundaries

I really don't get why so many females are scary and weak. I respect my man, but one thing I will not allow, is for him to let his mom and dad overstep my boundaries. All this stuff about it's his baby too, is crap and a cop out. Childbirth is nothing to play with. All these crazy, ridiculous trends that suggest that a woman allow all these people to come and look at ther vagina and breasts when she delivers and breastfeeds her baby, is a load of bull. Listen young childbearing females, if you do not have a strong mom and sister, to help you, then do this. Get some backbone and tell hubby that he must not have people coming into the delivery room while you are uncomfortable, in pain, and naked. Tell the hospital security to clear out all unwanted guests. A pregnant woman does not have time to entertain labor room in laws. She is about some serious business. And if your hubby is silly and think this is playtime and joke time, tell him to take the noise to the hallway.
—Guest Jean

Women's decision

Please teach our girls as they grow up that a man cannot invite who he wants in the delivery room, because, you are naked and in pain, not him.
—Guest Jean


Women have got to be strong. We need to remember that our daughters, nieces, and grandgirls are watching us to see how they will need to be stong. One place I know for sure that our hyhsbands cannot control. They cannot control labor and childbirth. Why would we tell women that because it's his baby too, that he can tell you what you should do for your body in the delivery room. Do you think our men would allow us to tell them how to lay, or stand and what type of meds to get for his vasectomy and prostate exam. Women had better get some sense. Women, you need to get your sister or mom in the room to block your in laws and your dad, if your husband doesn't respect you enough to follow your wishes. A man will not respect you if he can control everything. Try it if you don't believe it.
—Guest Jean


The last thing I want is for my MIL to be there. I tried telling her that she is more then welcome after the baby is born but not during... & as soon as I said that she tried arguing with me saying NO I WILL BE THERE. That is not the case! I feel uncomfortable & will tell every nurse in the hospital I dont want her there if I have to. It's ridiculous. This is my request & I'm being told no? I dont like the fact that everyone will be taking pictures right after the delivery, & the fact that everyone else gets to call about MY announcement. My request was for everyone to get a call about an hour after the delivery. But that request has started arguments also. This is my baby, my vagina and my wishes...I dont understand why everyone cant just accept my requests. Instead I have to be rude...
—Guest Cassie

Stand Up To Husband's Disrespect

I am not a man or husband hater, but this piece of advice is needed to all scary, weak, pregnant and future pregnant women. Say to your husband before you get pregnant and after you find out that you are pregnant, "Listen honey, I'm telling you now, from jump street, that I am the one whose vagina will be exposed, therefore I will not allow or need your mom and dad looking at me while I am exposed and in pain. This is one of those times that you make the decision and do not need to discuss this with your husband since you will be naked and not him. Tell hubby or boyfriend, that he cannot let them sneak into the room, unless they remove their clothes. Tell him that you are serious and are putting your foot down, and this is one thing that he cannot boss. Don't be afraid of your man, ladies. Stand up to him, he would stand up to you if you asked to let your mom and dad watch his prostate exam and vasectomy. Remember also, to tell the nurses to kick your in laws out and ask no questions.
—Guest Jean

Privacy Please!!!

Please mothers of pregnant daughters and husbands. Protect your wife and daughter's privacy. Her dad, mother in law, and father in law should not be in that room. This is why birth stalls and is uncomfortable!! You do not need to give up modesty and privacy!! That is a myth!!
—Guest Jean


I will try but I don't know she mean to me but my mother is not in the country so I don't know?
—Guest Luul

I'm the mother in law

I've had a very hard day today. my DIL had a planned C-sec. Her and my son said we want you and her mom there only in the waiting room. I said great happy to be there for their first. A half hour before I was to arrive at hosp. son called and said there were delays, her mom said to me I will call you after the birth. Yes I'm hurt and my son doesn't understand why. Her mom ofcoarse was there. We all get along great, should I feel left out and hurt? They sent me a pic over my phone.
—Guest mimi

Some Regrets

My mother-in-law wasn't supposed to be there for the birth of my daughter, but when it looked like I was going to have a c-section she showed up thinking that she was going to sit with my husband in the waiting room. I guess she didn't realize that the husbands get to be in the operating room for that. When the doctors said I could push she was just there and nobody told her to leave so she got to be there for the whole thing. She was quiet and just sat in a chair in the corner and after my daughter was finally born I noticed she shed some tears because it was a very rough delivery. I can't say she did anything wrong by being there, but I wish it had just been my husband and I. I do not trust my mother-in-law and really I don't like her and her manipulating ways. I have told my husband that she absolutely cannot be in the room for this next one.
—Guest Jessica

Totally disrespectful

My mil asked me to be in the waiting room while I was in labour, so I said yeah that's fine I might let you in the room but when I'm pushing I don't want anyone In there! When the time came she stayed through the whole thing, even had a look while he was crowning! I was and still am so angry I asked my fiancé as to why he didn't kick her out and he said he was more focused on me! I do not believe it he can't stand up to his mother I reckon! Anyway I've lost all respect for her as she went against my wishes! It's been 13 months and I still hate her for staying in there and always will! I see births and things on tv and suffer anger and anxiety, anything to do with birth! Wish I could charge her to punish her :-)
—Guest Vanessa

No thank you

My mother in law is a lovely, compassionate woman, however she is not one of the few people in the world who most sets me at ease, and therefore I would not want her at my birth. Fortunately she is also understanding of these matters and did not ask to attend. My STRONG advice is to invite people to your birth around whom you can feel completely safe, vulnerable, and spiritually at ease. Do not invite anyone out of a sense of guilt or obligation. Birth is an incredible and challenging experience, and everyone attending should add to your comfort, relaxation, and trust. If your MIL fits the bill, then by all means invite her. If not, get out of it however you can. A close female friend is probably the ideal candidate because she can stand to see you in pain/challenge in a way your husband or your own mother may not be able to.
—Guest KateC

It is my baby

I am pregnant with my first child and my husband and I are very excited.I have to have a planed c-section. Not worried about the surgery after I have already gone through both hips being replaced more worried about not being able to hold my baby before the rest of my family. My sister had her daughter 8 years ago and was left unable to see her daughter for 24 hours. She couldn't get out of the bed to go to the NICU and it turned out her mother in law held and bonded with the baby the whole time as long as she stayed in the NICU. My poor sister didn't know till she was able to see her and walked in to her mother in law holding the baby. Even after all these years she stills feels she missed something because she didn't get to be the first one to hold her own child. She didn't even got to see her fora whole day after birth. I just want to be my husband and I for a while even if that means I have to wait a little while before I can enjoy being a mom for the first time
—Guest Shanna


My mother in law and father in law were not invited to the birth of my son. It was just supposed to be my husband and my mom in the delivery room with me. My mother in law came into the delivery room to say hi and check in and when I was fully dilated my husband asked her to go to the waiting room to be with my father in law but then she said to me "Well actually your father wanted me to ask if he could be in the room too" and being fully dilated and having an unmedicated birth I was in no place to fight about it, I said whatever. So they forced their way in and afterwards I was not comfortable with what had happened. It was not what I had envisioned for the birth of my son.


Only invite who you want there! I want my husband and my own mother, besides it might get too crowded with too many people in the room.
—Guest sara


With my first child I thought it would be okay for MIL to show up... It wasn't. I actually had a c-section and only my husband was there for that. But then while I was in recovery mom and mil and hubby were with baby. Then I came up and instead of leaving mil was all over baby. My mom was concerned for me as the whole thing had been rough. But then things really went downhill when mil got right in there when I was trying to get the hang of breastfeeding! She even took photos! I was upset and ad someone who usually got along with mil, surprised. Photos of them fawning over baby later did not help. So, even though that is a regret I live with I'll not male the mistake again. This time as I am having a scheduled birth, mil is not invited to hospital until later Day 1 or even the next day. My mom is caring for my daughter. I spoke to my mom and she understood. Now to tell Mil...
—Guest Heidi

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