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Readers Respond: What did you tell your mother-in-law about your birth?

Responses: 39

By

Updated March 04, 2010

NO

My MIL is an labor and delivery nurse. Lucky for me I was 1,000 miles away when I had my 1st. All of my sister-in-laws have had her in the room with them, but for me, I don't want anyone besides the professionals and my DH knowing more than I do about how I look down there. It is a very special, personal time for you. You learn a lot about yourself and drama from others in the room would not be cool. I don't have the best relationship with my MIL. I've been told over and over that since she is a delivery nurse I should have her in there, but I've learned the best way to have a good delivery is to be able to relax. She does not help me relax. I say keep it between the DH, baby and you. Let the three of you bond. It will only be the three of you there on the sleepless nights, the fevers, the teething... Start the bond now.
—Guest Momby5

I think not!

For my first birth, I had to be induced a little early, and both my mom and his mom showed up for the "event." I wasn't entirely comfortable with her there, but didn't want to offend her. I ended up with a C-section, and I was very depressed afterward. She only made things worse by getting offended at every little thing, and had no compassion for what I was going through. This time around, we don't plan to tell her what's happening until perhaps the day after the baby is born. I know she will be highly offended, but I don't care. My husband knows how ridiculous she can be, and he has told me he is on my side and will defend me. I don't plan to tell my mom either, but I may change my mind. She is MUCH more supportive than my MIL. Ultimately, if you are the one giving birth, then you should be calling the shots. Don't tolerate anything you're not comfortable with!
—Guest Second Time Around

She drives me nuts

Unfortunately, my husband pressured me into letting his mom in. He said if my mom gets to be in there than so does his and now going on baby #3 I wish I could tell her to get the hell out because she drives me nuts, but I don't want the drama.
—Guest Heather

Are you kidding me?!

There is not a chance in hell that my mother in law would ever be in the room. She wasn't there for our first daughter, she will NOT be there for the second who is due in 13 weeks. She wanted to be there for our first, but I'm sorry... It was my DH and I making the baby ALONE in our room (our couch or where ever it happened lol) It should be only us 2 in the room getting the baby out. This is also the woman who kept trying to convince me to name our first Mandy if it was a girl because she always wanted a girl and that would be her name... but instead she resents her son for not being what she wanted him to be. *sigh* I could go on for days about my lunatic MIL. But bottom line, NO!!
—Guest Donna

Mother In Law?

You have to be kidding? I can't handle my Mother In Law over dinner, I can't imagine her during the birth of our child. Everything is ALWAYS about HER. At our engagement dinner as he told his family, she interrupted and asked when he intended to get her car inspected and to make sure he paid for it. Announcing our wedding, glasses raised for a toast she asked everyone if her hair color suited her. If she was there during the birth of a child, her last grandchild, she would most certainly figure out some way of asking my husband to buy her something, pay for something, or want the doctor to diagnose what some boil is on her backside. I'd rather have Richard Simmons sweating to the Oldies beside me, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck giving policy on the end of the bed, and a brass band playing show tunes while I delivered a 12 pound baby without medication. Clear enough how much MY Mother In Law isn't welcome?
—BackInTheSaddleAgain

ME

I do not understand the fuss. It is your life and you should decide on thing like birth and who should be there. For gog's sake women had babies for centuries and it is only recently that they start acting like no one had a baby after Mary! Who needs mums. mother in laws or birth filming unless you want to bring drama in your life!
—Guest Me

She's evil

She has been so hateful and mean, trying to cause so many problems in my marriage, so I don't want her anywhere around me. She is a selfish, nasty person, and I don't want any involvement with her and I don't want her around my child. My husband needs to grow a backbone- he allows her to interfere with our marriage, and she wants nothing but the worst for us. But I will not allow her negativity around this event. This is my first child and I am so happy to be a mother, I will not let anything get in the way.
—Guest Shani

Didn't care

I was unsure about having my MIL in the room while I was giving birth. She was in the delivery room until I was ready to start pushing then the nurses asked if I wanted her to stay. My mom and hubby were there and by that time, I didn't care anymore and it was actually a bonding experience for us because she was appreciative that I let her stay. She did video the birth for us, but stayed up by my head and was very respectful with the camera to preserve my dignity. I do have to say that the thing that DID bother me most was when Mom and MIL started calling on their cell phones to announce the birth while we were still in the delivery room. We are expecting our second in a few weeks and while I don't mind them being there, we will have a strict no cell phone policy in the delivery room. In fact, I'd prefer if they let us decide when to notify everyone as I'd like to rest at the hospital a little more this time before visitors start arrivng.
—Guest Jen

Just hubby and the profesionals

I am 17 weeks pregnant and have advised everyone that the only outsider coming in with me is my partner. I don't want anybody there till the next day as I really want time to bond and feel comfortable with the bub and hubby to be as well! This is my first and I wouldn't want it any other way!
—Guest Rachel

MIL came in 1st time...

but hoeing she won't be in there again. She made me uncomfortable and saw me naked and my vagina. Then would joke about seeing me like that afterward. I only want my mum and my partner there as they were great last time. I'm not sure how to tell MIL that shes not welcome in the labour room, might give her baby sitting duties of my 1st son, that might work.
—Guest Rachel

Between husband Wife

Having a baby words can't describe it. It's a very special moment, why would I let anyone else in to steal the joy of meeting our baby, the thought of hovering grandparents makes me ill, they've had their turn, now it's ours, thank you very much!
—Guest Jules

2 mother-in-laws!!

One is evil and one is my best friend. I couldn't imagine having my second baby without my favorite mil in the room. I had my daughter with my husbands step mom (my fave mil), sister, niece, his dad, my dad and my mom. This time around his mother (biological psycho) wanted to come and I said no way on GOD's green earth will she be within 1000 yards of the house. In fact I would like the whole thing scaled down this time. Me, my husband, our daughter and his step mom. My mom is welcome is she can stay chilled out while I am in labor. They will mostly be there to watch my daughter.
—Guest erin

No thanks and I'm not changing my mind

My MIL wanted to be in the room and I strongly voiced my opinion of "NO" and that it would just be me and hubby and my mom would be back up but probably not needed. She said that I would change my mind and that she would come in and I wouldn't even notice or care. It really stressed me out and told my hubby that if she came in I wouldn't be responsible for what I said to her. I was in labour for 3 days which we had to kick her out at night. It stressed me out knowing people were sitting waiting. Ended up with a C-section, nurses said daddy only in OR, she still makes comments that "I didn't have to work at giving birth". 2nd section was booked and comments were made that I should try a VBAC, even though doctorr wouldn't allow... what business it is of theirs. Also, after my 2nd section we came back to the room (directly from the OR) and FIL commented that my stomach still looked pregnant. Still mad! They are away for our 3rd coming up and I'm happy for that!
—Guest jillbosha

Just me and my husband

Sadly, my MIL is no longer with us, but, my husband and I have decided to just be the two of us in the room. We have told my mother and his sister that it will just be the two of us. Everyone seems pretty understanding. I mean, it's not their baby, it's our baby and it's our little family. I think too many people in the room would stress me out, especially since all the strong personalities, there would be fights.
—Guest Amanda

Dont bother

When I told my mil we were expecting she had no reaction she didn't even say congratulations. I should have expected it because with our first child she wasn't very nice about it. She had an invitation to the hospital and didn't show. This time around she is not invited and she will be lucky to know when I go in labor or what day the baby is born on. I think she suffers from mental illnesses. She spent the last to years crying over having a granddaughter and now that she is she doesn't even acknowledge it.
—Guest shayla

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