Our society tells us that the right answer is always that we don't care unless our baby is healthy, but sometimes that is simply not true. So how do you deal with the gender disappointment of the girl when you wanted a boy or vice versa? How did you cope?
I am so sad
- I have 2 boys, 14 and 2 YO. After me and my husband were so sure the last one was a girl, I cried instantly when I saw his package at the ultrasound and that was before they told us it was a boy. My husband was happy he would have a little boy and couldn't wait to tell everyone. I didn't want to mention it, I felt like a failure. I didn't even know what this kid's name would be and frankly, I didn't care. Now my husband says he doesn't want to have any more kids. Money is tight and we're getting older, but I never got a girl. He got a mini-me, but I didn't get what I wanted. I love my boys completely, I just don't feel like I'm complete. I even secretly hate those that have daughters and mock their FB pics when they show those pretty dresses off and stuff like that. I don't know what to do with this anger and pain. I can't tell anyone how crazy I feel about it so here I am venting to strangers online cause I don't know how to deal with it. Thanks for listening and any suggestions
Second baby is another boy
- Had my 20 week ultrasound today and it took all my strength to hold in my tears when I heard I was having another boy. I love my son to death but always imagined i'd have a little girl someday. I cried all day, felt guilty about that and have bitter thoughts about those lucky enough to get girls. I worry I'll be jealous for life about this. Not sure we are done having kids but worried about how i would feel with a third boy if this was my reaction to 2. Ugh. My eyes sting, my head aches and my heart hurts. I should feel lucky and blessed. But I feel sad. This might be it... And I am really beginning to feel like I might not ever get that dream...
- —Guest Nic
- I have five daughters and love them all dearly but i wished badly that id of had sons not daughters. I love my girls but am not particularly close to them at all. My husband (not their dad) has two boys and i adore them and connect so much better with them.I am too old to have another baby and my husbands had a vascectomy or else i think i would try again for a boy. i want one that much. Desperately hope my girls have boys so at least my grandkids are boys.
- —Guest Ree
- We just went for an ultrasound at 17 weeks. My heart completely sank when she told us it was a girl. I mean I have felt this was a boy, even still I am sitting her in some denial hoping when I get my 20 week scan that the baby will be a boy. I know I will still love a girl it is just I so badly wanted a boy. My daughter whom I love dearly is 9 and I figured since it has been so long it would be nice to have a little boy. I am completely devastated. it is hard to picture having another girl. I am not sure how to cope with this really. I really felt with all of me that this baby was a boy.
- —Guest guest with f on way
- Previously we had a beautiful girl.We were really overjoyed with our beautiful daughter, gave the best to her. Got unplanned pregnancy second time .. really had many hopes of having a baby boy.But when the ultrasound gyn told we were having a baby girl again..tears rolled for my husband eyes.I could no longer see him happily working who always takes everything with ease .Cant see my husband in such depressed mood.Really its rocking my family life, though we are good in sharing and working together,but we are not getting strength to face the difficulty of having our family of 4 without baby boy.People say ultrasounds are 99.9% accurate, hope that 0.1% failure should be in my case.Still praying to god to have surprise at the time of delivery...
- Have 3 sons and was hoping baby # 4 would be a girl. Found out 2 days ago, another boy. Heartbroken. Guilt at feeling sad. Afraid to try again. Trying to call him by his name to develop a connection. Still sad. Know God knows best and that I am blessed. Still had hopes of my little girl. Just needed to vent. Thanks for listening
- —Guest Lonely lady
Sad at not having both genders
- I always wanted to have both boys and girls. I have 2 daughters and just found out that my 3rd baby is also a girl. I was crushed and horrified at my feelings of sadness. I wanted only 3 kids, and although I am thinking of trying again, I don't know how to deal with the grief if its another girl. I really wanted the experience of both. I love my two daughters and would not trade them for anything in this world, its just the different experience I wanted. I had horrible depression: I thought of miscarrying, of abortion. And felt totally awful after these thoughts. I know I will love my daughter when she comes. It irritates and hurts me when people say that i'm missing out not having a boy, and that I can only have girls, as if something is wrong with me. I am actually considering ivf+pgd to ensure I have a boy next time, even though it is ridiculously expensive and risky.
- —Guest soon to be mom of girl#3
Disappointment? More like amazement!
- I too was excited when I found out I was pregnant. I have no clue why but my heart wanted a baby boy so badly. When I found out I was having a girl I was crushed. Tears and all. I still couldn't accept it, even went as far as to do a gender neutral nursery just in case they were wrong. When the day came and they placed my baby girl in my arms, the disappointment all faded away. How could I have had so much sadness over this amazingly beautiful human being. My daughter is almost 7 now and the craziest little person I've ever met. I have no idea what I'd have done if she were a boy!
- —Guest Bianca
- I'm having my first child, and I feel absolutely terrible for feeling sad about having a girl. I know I'll have chances in the future for a little boy, but now i feel as though I don't ever want to have a baby again and I feel like I don't even want to be pregnant anymore. I want to tell my boyfriend how I feel, but he's so excited. I just want to sink into the ground and disappear.
- —Guest Sarah
Girl not boy
- I feel horrible for feeling this way, i wanted a boy all my life. I had his name and everything, now i find out im having a girl and i feel like im having someone elses baby! I feel like a horrible mother already, i just hope this feeling goes away. The only reason i dont want a girl is because of horrible things that i have gone through, i dont want those things to happen to my daughter... Im not sure if ill be strong enough to handle all of those things if they were to happen.
- —Guest Guest
Wish it was a boy.
- I have always wanted to see my own reflection in that of a child who was my own and of course a boy. When my wife and I found out we were pregnant I was not ready but the thought of a boy made me excited to think I could get my wish. Just found out it is a girl and I cant even smile and say I'm happy. I wish I did not feel this way but what can I do now. I never want to try for another for fear of further disappointment and I hope God can forgive me for feeling this way but I am really really disappointed. I don't feel I will do well as a father of a girl, being that I am already thinking of when she starts dating and becomes a teenager. I don't want to deal with all that and I wish I could find a better way to see it. As of now I cant even show my wife love as I feel more distant and she knows it. She is all happy because she wanted a girl for years and now that she has one on the way I am devastated. Not sure I want to be around any more and I never want to try again for another.
- —Guest Jiggyjoe
- I have 2 little girls, exactly what I wanted. I never wanted a boy, and glad I never will have any as I only want 2 kids (girls). So all those who wrote here trashing on girls, well, screw you because girls are the best! To all those hoping for girls, sending pink thoughts your way. Remember, if you don't get the daughter you've always wanted, you can always adopt. That way you will for sure get your girl, and she will be yours even if she doesn't come from your womb.
- —Guest Kal
Wanted a baby girl but a boy
- I already have a great 5 yr old boy who is the love of my life. Now I am 12 weeks pregnant and had a scan yesterday. My doctor said the baby is a boy and he is %75 sure. I tried my best not to cry infront of him and held my tears until we left his office. I have been crying my heart out since yesterday. I know that I have to be greatful that the baby is healthy which I am but devastated that the baby is not a girl. I dont know if this feeling will ever go away! I know that once I hold him in my hands, he also will be the love of my life but right now all I want to do is sleep.
- —Guest Jane
trying to cope
- Hi ladies. I am a very proud momma of 3 handsome little boys. When I got pregnant with my first I was thrilled that it was a boy! With my second I was praying for my baby girl but I got my second little man. My husband was very very firm about no more children but lucky me the condom broke and here came baby 3. With my 3rd pregnancy my grandma who was the closest thing to a mother I had was diagnoised with cancer and passed away within a month. She had a good feeling baby #3 was my lil girl but it was my 3rd boy. I cried for 3 weeks before I came to term with it. And at every ultrasound pray they was wrong.Now I am terrified to try again bc I just dont know if I can handle the heartbreak again. Dont get me wrong I love my boys to death and I would never take them back or anything like that but I just feel like my family will never be complete without our baby girl. Everyday is a struggle and it just seems to be getting worse especially when I see other mothers with thier daughters! :(
- —Guest heather
- My first was a boy. When my second was a boy my immediate and extended family were disappointed. My husband and son got over it quickly, but there were always comments about " wish it had been a girl". It really frustrated me. Now I am pregnant with my third. I keep hearing extended family say, "I hope it's a girl. but if not that's okay too." This bothers me so much right now. Why wouldn't it be okay? Why the extra comment? Sure, part of me would love to have a girl to be a part of our family and my husband would also love to have a daughter, but the truth is all I want is for this baby to be healthy. I don't care about the gender. I need a polite yet direct way of telling family to stop with the comments. Why are they so disappointed?
- —Guest momof2boys