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Readers Respond: Were you sad when you found out the sex of your baby?

Responses: 800


Updated July 03, 2009

Finding out the sex of your baby is supposed to be an exciting time. However, sometimes women find out that their baby is not the sex that they had excepted or desired. This can be very upsetting that the daughter you dreamed of is really a son or that your strapping young son is really a girl.

Our society tells us that the right answer is always that we don't care unless our baby is healthy, but sometimes that is simply not true. So how do you deal with the gender disappointment of the girl when you wanted a boy or vice versa? How did you cope?

Mom of 3 Girls Expecting again..

I have honestly given up hope to ever being the mother of a boy. I have 3 girls and now pregnant with #4 which we still do not know the gender of but im 99.9% sure its another GIRL, i mean what else can it be.. after all it seems like i can only have GIRLS! I feel so frustrated because of the pressure society puts on us as the mothers. With babygirl #3 my husband CRIED when the us tech told us it was another girl. I was so happy and to be honest i have never hoped for a son but the pressure of knowing he wants one is horrible! Plus family and people to say "Aww another girl.." is something i am not looking forward to. I FEEL ASHAMED FOR THINKING THIS WAY. The saddest thing is this is my last child (4th cesarean) so yes it sucks for him and ALL OF THEM.. i will love my girls alone.
—Guest depressed

Thanks for the therapy

I originally came here after googling gender disappointment because I felt a little bit of it after hearing the news of a new baby girl, and I gotta say that reading a majority of these comments has made me realize I am just being a selfish, self-centered whiny little brat.
—Guest Don V

won't go away

I was excited to have boy 3rd. They all get along perfectly
—Guest blueblueblue

In the same boat on the opposite end

My dh and I have 4 boys and I find out soon if we are pregnant again. When I was preg with my 4th, I felt all the same emotions you did... and prayer is all that got me through. I never thought I'd have a boy (I too am fond of girl stuff) - I've struggled with this for nearly 15 years. But I decided that I love each of them dearly and tried to look at all the positives of all boys (passing down clothes and toys, knowing sports/scouts activities, getting to be queen of the castle). Anytime I focus on other people's girls or what I don't have, it just becomes depressing, and I decided I want to be happy, since my attitude in this situation is all I can control. We decided to try once more with some ground rules: 1) we'd only do it if we want another boy, 2) We tell everyone it is a boy and anticipate a boy and then be pleasantly surprised if it's not. After spending time w/ young girls lately, I won't be too sad if we have another boy :) Know you're not alone...
—Guest Cheryl

4 girls another baby on the way

I have 4 girls and about 12wks pregnant with my 5 kids, the girls ages range from 19, 16,13,and 6yrs old, and I have a 23yr old stepson, I want a son really bad but I don't want to get my hopes up since my last pregnancy was so depressing to me because I thought I would never say " my son" and I was really jeoleous that my husband had a boy and I didn't. I really hope I have a boy but I don't want to feel disapointed or sad for the rest of my pregnacy.
—Guest mariawantsaboy

Christmas let down

My husband and I are expecting our 2nd and last child. Ive had hyperenesis with both my children although first was much worse. Our ultrasound was at 20 weeks. At the time we asked the tech. if she could write done the gender of the baby and seal it in an envelope. We thought it would be an awesome idea to wait until Christmas to open it and find out the sex of our 2nd. We were going to keep the gender a surprise for the rest of the family. Our first is a girl and we really thought that this baby would be a boy. This pregnancy has been a lot different from my first and the baby's heart rate has always been much lower than my daughter. Her heart rate was always 160-165 this baby's rate is 140 and I always heard that boys generally have lower heart rates then girls... when we opened up the letter we found we are having another girl. My husband and I are both really disappointed, and now are wondering if we should still keep it a secret when everyone is expecting a boy.

Wrong sonogram dx

In all honesty, I was not prepared to ever be pregnant after over 10 years of no conceiving and I was fine with that. I love my fur-babies. We found out we were pregnant, so it was a shock of course, but I unfortunately never had that maternal attachment. I am 17 weeks and we just paid for an extra sonogram. The tech saw the "hamburger" so to speak and said we're having a baby girl. My husband and I both were ecstatic because that's what we wanted and did not want a boy. Obviously 50/50 shot, and health is top priority, but that goes without saying. Went in to specialists appt since I am "advanced maternal age" and they were performing another anatomical sonogram and discovered that there appeared to be a penis sticking out and our girl was actually a boy. Husband and I are crushed, but what can you do? I don't like anything "little boy" so I'm having a hard time reconnecting to the connection I established. I just focus on the positive until I am at peace with the results.
—Guest Frustrated

3 Girls and pregnant again

Let me first say after reading everyones' responses I feel slightly better. I thought I was crazy for feeling sad over the gender of my girls. My husbands and I have a three girls ages 6,2, and 1. Now I am pregnant again with our last!! I am praying for a son. I don't think I can handle hearing the disappointment of " It's girls". I think I might die cause my husband really needs a son. Way to many females around here. Poor guy. I am just scared to death. I feel silly for being so depressed, but I really want a son.
—Guest Pollyanna

I feel like a bad human being

I am pregnant with my first baby and have just got back from my 20 week scan. I was asked if I wanted to know the sex, I replied yes but only after you tell me that my baby is completely healthy. She did so, and as soon as the scan began I noticed something that I was sure was a little boy piece, after the scan I was told that baby was all healthy and asked so do you want to know the sex now? I replied it's a boy isn't it, I saw. I was told yes! I am certain the woman saw the look on my face, I was longing for a little daughter, a mini me and I was disappointed that he was a boy. I was going to go shopping for babies first outfit after the scan but I was too upset and just went home instead. like that. I know he didn't ask to be born and that he needs his mummy and that it's not his fault and I still love him. But I did want a daughter I cannot pretend. I know people cannot have babies and I am lucky I know that, but I am still sad, I cried and am not even excited anymore. Help me :(


i am 18 weeks pregnant and I find out if I'm having a girl or a boy. I want a little girl more than anything, I love looking at all the pretty clothes and accessories. I know I'll be happy if I have a boy or a girl, but I can't help feel I might be upset if its not a girl. I don't want to feel that way, I just want the baby to be healthily. but I'm scared that if I do feel that way no one would understand.
—Guest kayla

Family's disappointment

Im 21wks with my 3rd & just found out im having another boy. I am over the moon but i am so sick of everyone else's reaction!! They thought it'd be nice if we had a girl, so i get responces like "oh atleast its healthy" WTF!! i Never said once i wanted a girl sure it wouldve been nice but i LOVE my son & felt very confident telling him he was getting a little bro! I guess im not picky because my first born (also a son) was stillborn so to me any baby to love and cherish is a heaven sent but i have been in tears for 2 days now because my MILs reaction when we said it was another boy & my SILs reaction was "you guys will just have to try again" it turned into a big argument thanks to my angered post on FB & now things are awkward and they are claiming I wasnt meant to take it that way they r happy either way! thing is they already have a granddaughter/neice & its so obvious they favour girls... with both this pregnancy and my previous they went on about how they wanted it to be a girl!
—Guest Sam

Refuse to have baby girl

I'm on my 20 week of pregnancy and yesterday my doctor try to get my fetus gender. He couldn't but he "thinks" it may be a girl, to be true I will preferred to have a miscarriage, i'm so upset, so sad that I only find this page to said what I feel. My husband is happy no matter the baby sex, it's our first child for both but I don't want a girl. It is so frustrating because I'm hating before meet her... I had two previous miscarriages one of those was a boy, the other was too small to know. I feel bad having these thoughts but I can't avoid it. Am I losing my mind? What can I do? Seriously depressed!
—Guest Lonely

How awful

I have 2 boys and always wanted a girl. I can't have any more now and I love my boys but it is just hard that all my friends and family have girls and it is a lonely life
—Guest Grenndy

I won't be buying pink and purple.

I found out today that I am having another boy. I have a 12 year old step son, a 4 year old son and now I am having another boy. I was convinced I was having a girl. I have been looking at all the adorable clothes and toys for my little girl but I now have to except that I won't be having a girl. My husband and I have both agreed that this will be our last child. I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I will never have a daughter. I want to thank everyone for posting their feelings though. It is helping to ease my grief a little bit. Knowing that I am not alone is comforting in a way. I know I will love him as much as I love my other children. My 4 year old is the sweetest ,smartest, most amazing child. I had wanted a girl when I was pregnant with him too, but was truly happy that he was a boy once I had him. Hopefully that will be the case with this one.
—Guest Katie


My husband and I tried for three years and finally got pregnant! I had never been happier. My whole life I knew I would have a daughter. I had been getting things for her, here and there, for many years. We just had our 20 week ultrasound and boom, a boy. My heart is broken. I feel like I lost a child. I do not connect with men. Aside from my wonderful husband, every man in my life has abused me or left me. I feel completely disconnected from this little miracle I'm growing. I feel sick. I'm angry at him and angry at my self at the same time. And it's not his little fault. I can't even look at little boys or boy clothes or blue for that matter. I only wanted one daughter. Now I'm terrified if we try again it'll be another boy. After all the pain we went through for this boy, if it's another boy, will I be able to stand it? Considering fostering to adopt, but will they tolerate someone who only wants a girl? I feel like the worst person alive, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone.
—Guest Shelby

How did you cope?

Were you sad when you found out the sex of your baby?

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