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Readers Respond: Were you sad when you found out the sex of your baby?

Responses: 559

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Updated July 03, 2009

Finding out the sex of your baby is supposed to be an exciting time. However, sometimes women find out that their baby is not the sex that they had excepted or desired. This can be very upsetting that the daughter you dreamed of is really a son or that your strapping young son is really a girl.

Our society tells us that the right answer is always that we don't care unless our baby is healthy, but sometimes that is simply not true. So how do you deal with the gender disappointment of the girl when you wanted a boy or vice versa?

Having a boy

Wanted a girl, but found out I'm having a boy today... I'm still completly in love with the baby! (Just sad I won't get the cute baby clothes!)
—Guest k

i dont want to know what im having

I’m so relieved that I found other women who feel the same way I feel!! I want to cry reading other women’s stories. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant and I’m going for my first ultrasound in 2 weeks. I dreamt of having a little girl ever since I started having kids. With my first pregnancy I hoped for a girl, then he turned out to be a Boy. Second, I was almost sure it was a girl as I was having "pink" fever, he turned out to be a Boy. This is my third and I don’t want to be disappointed :( my husband makes me feel bad by saying "as long as he’s healthy" (he thinks its another boy). Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys to death, but it hurts knowing that I may not have a daughter, I’m already getting too old to have anymore kids. I don’t want to know what I’m having cause it might disappoint me :( I’m dreading to get my ultrasound done.
—Guest frozenbuttocks

A girl...

I'm a Tom boy always was both me and my husband are electricians and I knew I was having a girl from the start but tried to convince myself it was a boy. I found out it was a girl today at my first ultrasound and I have been crying ever since. I feel so heart broken and depressed. I couldn't be more disappointed. I never wanted a girl. My husband is excited and happy with it but my heart is just broken. Not sure if this feeling will ever pass.
—Guest Bryna

A fourth boy!

Last week I went to the hospital because I was feeling dizzy and actually fainted. During the ultrasound scan it turned out that I'm having yet another boy. I'm totally and utterly disappointed - as is my husband and the other boys. We are certain there will be no issues with loving this baby (otherwise I wouldn't love the others as I've always only wanted girls) but I can't shake the feeling of disappointment. I also can't stand people, especially those who have both sexes, who tell me I ought to be grateful for healthy children. My, my!! It's a given that every parent wants to have healthy children and is grateful to God no matter the sex. I'm just sad that I wasn't able to get my heart's desire. This will be our last biological child for sure but maybe we'll be lucky to adopt a daughter in the future. Who knows?
—Guest Dawn

It's a boy.

I found out yesterday my pink princess has a penis. And I haven't stopped crying. My husband panting majorly supportive but I am so utterly heartbroken I'm contemplating adoption. I'd abort if everyone didn't know I was pregnant. This is my first and only child as I have the most horrendous pregnancy experiences (3 miscarriages) and in all I have had hyperemesis gravidarum, and am hospitalised every time. I vomit blood for a few weeks and my hair falls out. I wanted a girl- and I don't how I can ever love this baby, that isn't mine.
—Guest Gutted

After 9 years he left me pregnant

When I find out the gender at my scan next week, I don't know how I'm going to feel. I don't know whether I would prefer a son or a daughter. All the plans are for "the baby" not "him" or "her". Everybody keeps guessing what it is. But it could be a tomboy or the next Billy Elliot. I could have a daughter who doesn't confide in me, or a son who doesn't like toy trains. Either way, I think it's more about my own worries of my capabilities as a mother. Wondering what it wouldve been like to have the other gender is uncomfortable to some people. My worry is based in whether my child will wonder what it was like to have a dad rather than the mum it is stuck with. I think that's how I feel. Worried that I won't have daddy's little girl, or daddy's little soldier. My ex gave me a baby. I feel like such a failure that I can't give my baby a dad.
—Guest Singlemum23

Wanted 2nd boy...But NO

Just found out that I am having a girl. It is my second child, my first one is a boy who is now 4 1/2. I was very sad when tech told me it is a girl (XX), I was very dissapointed. I wanted another boy so bad, that when I found out I teared up. I did not want a girl at all. My husbad did and he was happy, but I can not get it out of my head. My son wanted a baby brother as well, somone he can play with. I feel like I let him down. I am not into pink clothing and bows. I am so used to being around boys and myself being a tom boy all my life, I felt like I just wanted another boy. I looked at chinase calendar and it told me it was a boy. I feel so cheated that I did not get my second boy. Now I have guilt over me feeling like I will love this child less than I do my boy or if it was a boy. I don't know how to cope with this my heart is aching and I just want to curl up and cry. After all said and done I will feel like I am a terreible mother for feeling this way. I am really taking it har
—Guest Guest

So sad

I was picked on a lot growing up because we were poor. I never had female friends, and still don't to tell the truth, because I could never stand the way most girls acted. I wanted a boy so badly, and at our 17 wk ultrasound today to do the gender scan, she said she is 99% sure its a girl. My heart is broken and I cannot stop crying, because all I can imagine is another little girl growing up sad and unhappy like I did. The baby's legs were crossed and the tech wasn't completely sure, so I am seriously hoping that at our 22 week ultrasound they will tell us that they were wrong. I am almost certain that will not happen, however. I won't be having more children. I am a diabetic and only wanted one because of health risks, and now I have to try to pretend to be happy when I am not, and watch my cruel family treat the child like crap because it is a girl.
—Guest MomtoBe

Wishing for a girl

When I was pregnant with both of my boys I felt they were girls. The last pregnancy my husband and I really believed it was a girl and we had a name picked out for her and everything. However at our 32 week ultrasound we were told it was a boy. We had to come up with a boys name quickly. We are still longing for a girl but only want a healthy baby
—Guest Jandksmummy

6 girls and 1 boy

Yes, we have 7 children! It's pretty much unheard of these days. Our kids were born in the 80's and early 90's, back when they still were not doing routine ultrasounds. So we never knew the sex of any of ours, and the first 5 children were all girls. Most people think we kept going to get a boy, and I'm sure that is what it looked like, but actually we thought we were done after the 5th girl because we felt 5 was a large enough family. So we were completely surprised by the 6th pregnancy and really surprised when it was a boy (the boy we would have never had). When he was 4 months old we became pregnant again unexpectantly, but thought "oh well, maybe he'll get a little brother", but NO, the poor little guy got another sister, haha. We were never truly disappointed because we have always been of the mindset and faith that God is in charge and knew exactly what would be best for our family. We wouldn't have it any other way!
—Guest Momof07

Feeling so sad....

I had a wonderful 3 year old son and my husband and I were hoping for another boy. Even my son said he wanted a brother and not a sister. Well...we found out today that it is a girl. My husband seems fine with it and my son is accepting that he is getting a sister even though he keeps asking where his brother is. But I can't stop crying. I've even thought about what adoption agencies I shoudl start looking at after the baby is born. My husband wants to hear nothing of my sadness and thinks I am "crazy and unreasonable." There is no way he can understand. I just want to stop crying....
—Guest It Really Does Matter

Moved on?

I am the mom of 3 wonderful boys. And believe me, I feel so truly blessed. But I am a girly-girl to the hilt, who never had a sister & is not close to my mom. When I found out my 3 (and FINAL) was also a boy, I was heartbroken. Three years later I have moved on, but as my friends get pregnant and have daughters, I grow more & more resentful. I recently heard the news that my good friend, who also has 2 boys is now having a girl. A fiend said to me, "She's getting her girl," and I felt like a hot poker was being jabbed straight into my heart. Why can't I feel happy for her? And when will I EVER get over the heartbreak of never getting to experience that mother/daughter relationship that I have always dreamed of?
—Guest Hipmomof3boyz

dissapointed

Just found out yesterday that I'm having a baby girl, I was really depressed though I have a girl and a boy, I would really have wanted a boy and my husband too. I feel bad for not accepting what I have but am only human and have been crying my eyes out, because I don't want to have another child. Just hope she's healthy and we can bond after she's delivered cos right now am not motivated at all.
—Guest a little dissappointed

Boyfriend not happy

I am 18 weeks pregnant and just yesterday found out we are expecting a girl ! My boyfriend is a outdoor man that always dreamed on having a boy .... i wanted a boy also but a girl would be just as good. I'm a little worried with him since hes got so depressed and down since yesterday. Hope it all goes away when are little girl is born.
—Guest Gabby

I still cry thinking about it.

When I pictured my family in my mind, I always had a little girl. Having a boy was never even on my radar. However,when I became pregnant for the first time I immediately KNEW it was a boy and I was right. I called off from work and cried all day after that ultrasound. My son was the first boy born in my family in 30 years, but I just never bonded with him the way I know I would have with a girl. To make matters worse, my best friend from law school found out she was having a girl and when I told her the sex of my baby her response was "I;m sorry." like I just found out I was ill. I feel like an outcast. Everyone I know has daughters. Everyone I know who is pregnant wants a daughter. I feel so alone and at five years later, I still cry and mourn.
—Guest Kelly
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