My Pregnancy Loss
I loss my first pregnancy at 20 week due to incompetent cervix. I've TTC for 15 long years and finally happened. I was pregnant with twins, but it just did not end well as I've expected. I am so depressed even nowadays. I blame myself for my loss because of my cervix not strong enough to hold them. They were born alive and I got to see them fight for survival, which I couldn't do anything to help them, instead just watched and cried. They were still too small to save and I could see them took their breath one after another until there were no heart beats and didn't move anymore. I hate myself so much.
Deciding to Get Pregnant Again
I want to get pregnant again, but after my loss I've never had a normal period. Still I am trying and will never give up. I know that it's not good to get pregnant again while I am still grieving for my loss, but I am so desperate to start again. How long again do I have to wait, I don't want to wait for another decade until miracle happens again. I just can't wait to tell myself and the people I know that I am pregnant again.
- I think that it is okay to grieve all you want because it'll clear your day faster. Your grieve will never go away, but at least it will help make you realize where you are in the real world. Cry when you feel you want to cry. Don't let other people tell you not to cry, but let them comfort you. No one will understand the pain you're going thru.