Waiting to Find Out
Waiting to find out the gender of your baby at birth also has advantages. First of all there are no mistakes made. No names picked out and labeled. No rooms are painted. And no gender specific clothing purchased.
Families and moms who chose to wait say that even if they have a strong preference for a girl or a boy, waiting is beneficial for them. One mother explains it as being caught up in the moment. "I really, really wanted a baby girl. When they handed my son to me and said, 'It's a boy!' I just cried, he was perfect and I was very happy. I didn't even think about a girl at that moment." Later she admits to thinking about the differences in her previous preferences, but says that it wasn't really a factor and did not cause depression. The hormones of labor and birth can help with that, though not always.
What if your baby isn't the "right" sex?
That's a tough question. The first part of the problem is going to be admitting that your baby is different from what you expected or desired. Today's society, despite everything it claims about being supportive and pressuring women to have preferences, is not very forgiving when you hold a healthy infant and claim to be sad because it's not a girl or a boy. This can lead to many women not admitting that they are disappointed. Bottling these feelings up can lead to even more disastrous results, including full swing depression.
Find a friend or a counselor, talk to them about your preference. Being able to say, "Hey, I love my baby, but I'm still disappointed." is good for you. It is not impossible be happy that you have a healthy baby and be disappointed.
Being disappointed doesn't mean not loving your baby or being a bad mother. It means that you had an attachment to a dream of something specific and the end result is great, but different than how you had imagined it to be. This doesn't make you ungrateful. It makes you a realist.
Take the time to grieve the loss. Acknowledge that it is the loss of something special to you. This will help you heal and move forward. Love your baby and talk it out with someone who will listen without belittling your feelings. The majority of women find that within a few weeks they laugh and can't imagine that they ever wanted something other than what they got, it just takes a bit of time to realize the gift they have.
