Madeleine's Birth

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I thought it was time to finally sit my butt down and right this after I found myself reflecting on my labour and thinking it wasn't so bad. ;) SO before I forget everything, here is the story of Madeleine's arrival. One disclaimer: I am typing on my mom's computer and editing is incredibly difficult if I don't catch a mistake right away. Please excuse any typing or spelling errors!

Wednesday, July 2nd, Dr. Barrett came into my hospital room and told me he had been thinking of me over the weekend (July 1 is a Canadian holiday) and that he thought we should have a baby. Those were his exact words, and if it wasn't for the fact it was 7:30 am and the thought of actually finally having this kid wasn't so exciting, I would have come back with a smart response like "Shouldn't I have this one first?". Instead though I just said "When" and he said "Tomorrow".

I was just in shock. I tried calling Kevin at home but he wasn't answering and then I *finally* reached him at work when I told him and he said "Oh My God" which for Kevin is an extreme reaction. Later that day, the resident came in to tell me what I could expect. They planned to put the gel in at 10 am Thursday July 3rd. They figured the first gel wouldn't do much, and I would need a second gel 6 hours later and a 3rd gel 6 hours after that. If nothing had happened at that point, other measures would be discussed.

So the next morning, right on time, I had my first gel. I started having period like pain right away and soon I had settled into regular contractions that were uncomfortable enough that I couldn't sleep, but nothing like real labour. However, 4 oclock came and went, and apparently they were too busy in labour and delivery to give me my next gel because I waited and waited and waited. Meanwhile, I was still having contractions that were getting more intense but still manageble with things like massage, and showers. By 2:30 am July 4th however, I was *really* tired. I hadn't slept and I was starting to lose it a little bit when they finally came up and brought me down to L&D for my next gel. There I found out that my cervix was still only 1 cm dialated and nothing else had happened. Argh! In went the next gel and back I went to my room.

Then it happened. My waterloo. I can handle a lot, but not throwing up. I go SO sick all of a sudden. At one point I was sitting on the cold bathroom floor crying my eyes out after puking my guts up begging the nurse to promise me that I would feel better and that I wasn't going to die. (IN hindsight, she wasn't all that sympathetic.)

By the time morning arrived I had had enough. And I told Kevin I refused to have another gel. In fact, I refused to do anything and at the time it seems a perfectly logical choice. I was just not going to have that baby and I didn't care if I was pregnant for ever and I thought that was quite reasonable. The nurse came and said they wanted me back in Labour and Delivery and I told her that I wasn't leaving my room and that I wanted to speak to Dr. Barrett. She looked a little paniced then said she's call down, came back and said Dr. Barrett was waiting for me downstairs. So off I went again.

Once there I started shaking and crying my eyes out. Dr. Barrett examined me and said that I was 2 cm dialted (big hairy deal) nd he would be "generous" and say I was 50% effaced. He said he didn't think it would be good to put another gel in and said he would give me my choices and his recommendation. Basically though I had no choice but it was nice of him to pretend. He said "Stopping and going home isn't really an option and neither is a C-section." What he wanted to do was insert a foley cathetor into my cervix (after I hd a shot of Nubain) and then to start a pitocin drip at which point as soon as I started having contractions I could have an epidural. After at least 45 minutes during which I cried and COULD NOT bring myself to agree to this - (I give him a lot of credit because he never once showed that he was frustrated as I kept saying "But I don't want to feel anymore pain") - I think I was waiting for the transporter option where they just beame the baby out of my stomach but as a hint to all you future labourers, that one just AIN'T coming - I finally agreed to trust him and agree to the procedure.

So first I got the shot of Nubain and it relaxed me enough that I was able to think rationally again. Dr. Barrett came into do the cathetor, but suddenly my body said "Oh. They want me to have a *baby* here" and my water just broke. Yeah! But this meant the big guns: PITOCIN drip. By this time I was such a wimp about the pain I made them freeze the vein before the IV with a BABY needle. The nurst started teh drip even though I said Don't start it until I am back in bed and say okay, but she did anyway. (I soon grew to hate this nurse - luckily I didn't see much of her) - and HOLY MOLY the contractions hit me like a ton of bricks. After the first one I said "Okay I'm reading for my epidural now" and the Nazi Nurse said "Most women can handle these and we don't start the epidural until you are really in labour". I was about ready to rip the IV out of my hand when Dr. Barrett came in and I very hysterically cried to him "DR. BARRETT YOU SAID I COULD HAVE THE EPIDURAL AS SOON AS THE CONTRACTIONS STARTED!!!!!!!!!!" and he said that I could and before I knew it the anesiologist came rushing in on his white steed and my pain was (basically) gone for good.

This is when things got a lot better. I slept on and off for the rest of the afternoon. ARound 4:30 pm I started feeling contractions again and said that I needed a topup. They examined me and I was 3 cm dialated and so I could have some more. After my top op, my sister and neice Grace (who is 9 months old) came into the room and we were chatting and I said I was going to have another nap and they had to wait outside. Then I said I felt something weird, like I was going poop on the table or something and the nurse came over and said I wasn't, and then I REALLY felt it so she checked and the next thing I know she flies out of the room - calls out "Page Dr. Barrett" and the room is filled with people. I had dialated from 3 cm to 10 cm in less than 15 minutes and the baby was making her way down with no help from th elikes of me.

I will say one thing - I thought I only wanted Kevin, Dr. Barrett and the nurse in with me when I gave birth. Well, in addition to those people were my doula, a resident (who was starting her first day and first shift at Women's College and was coming in to introduce herself when the nurse told her I was fully dialated) the pedicatrician, some student, plus my sister and neice - and I wouldn't have cared less. They could have sold tickets and I didn't care.

Next thing I know they are telling me to push, which I did - God bless that epidural top up I didn't feel a thing - just a little pressure - and four contractions later Madeleine was born.

What a wonderful feeling of relief that was. I thought I would cry and be so overcome with shock and emotion I might faint but it wasn't like that at all. It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders and I was so calm for the first time in almost 2 years. Everyone was running around very excited - and half an hour later at 6:00 Kevin's mom came by - thinking she was just picking up some keys and was presented with her first grandchild - emotions were high!) but I was just so calm. Then I got sick again and vomitted everywhere but even then I didn't mind too much. I was on such an incredible high for a few days. I think it would have lasted longer if she hadn't had to go under the lights for her jaundice at which point I balwed my eyes out, but otherwise things have been great.

Motherhood is so much better than I expected. It's like the line from Jerry McGuire "You complete me" - that is how I feel now. Even at 4 am when I know that I am going to be awake for at least another 2 hours, I feel happy. She's really quite cute I think. =D

It's not that Madeleine has solved all my problems or taken away my grief for Casey. She has not - much to the chagrin of my family I suspect who don't dare say a word. In some ways, she has made my loss more acute. I know what I missed with Casey now and I thought of her a lot while I was in labour. But I see Madeleine as a gift from her sister, to fill the emptiness that she left. And Madeleine is such a neat little person already, with a calm personalilty mixed with a flair for the melodramatic. With her birth, so many months of worry, fear, doubt and self-involvement just disolved and I can honestly say I have never been more happy. I am so grateful to have her and her father. (I'm also grateful Kevin is still talking to me after a very very long pregnancy ;)). Finally, I am grateful to you, my friends who helped me through this all. How could I have done it without you? And despite my extreme self-aborption you still stuck by me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Cindy Hughes

Robin Elise Weiss, LCCE
Pregnancy / Birth Guide

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