Emergency Cesarean
On June 27 I had an emergency cesarean birth.
I had been planning a home birth with a mid wife.
For 7 months I conditioned my body and my mind for the blessed event. I walked 3 miles every day and read every book the local library had on pregnancy and child birth. I was ready for a natural child birth.
One night on June 26th I did not feel my baby move all morning so I went to the midwife and all was well with the heart rate at 1:00 PM. By 9:00 PM I still had not felt the baby move so my mid wife instructed me to go to the hospital and let them monitor me. I hate hospitals and was very scared, so scared I started labor. With each contraction the babies heart beat dipped further and further till it was down to 58 from a normal 144 - 148. I knew my baby was in trouble.
The doctor that was on call was one that I had started out seeing. He had suggested that I use a mid wife sense he or I either one was not willing to compromise on how MY BIRTH should be handled and there where no other obstitritions offices in this small town. The doctor new I wanted a vaginal birth, but instead of trusting me to agree to a cesarean he tricked me. He told me that I could probably deliver vaginally BUT just in case sign the consent form for a C section. I did and handed it right into his hand. He turned and said where doing a cesarean right now. moments before they knocked me out for surgery the last thing I was thinking of is my baby might not be alive when I wake up.
I woke up after being in recovery for only 20 minutes. In my mind all I wanted was my baby. I got off the recovery bed and began walking through the maternity floor looking for my child. This made the nurses and doctors very angry. They began accusing me of using other drugs such as crack or marijuana. None of which I have ever touched in my life. The explanation of a brand new mother searching for her baby was not expectable to them. It was impossible for a person to perform such an act right after surgery in there eyes.
They refused to let me see my baby so I threatened, JUST THREATENED, mind you to take my baby and myself out of the hospital. All I wanted was to see my child that I had carried for nine months.
They explained to me that the cord was wrapped around her neck twice and her arm once and that she had breathed in her lungs the muconium (first bm). But that she was breathing fine on her own and was under an oxygen tent to help clear her lungs.
This just made me want to see her that much more. This was MY CHILD not theres and I told them so.
They where so angry at that they called the police and child protective services. They threatened to have a judge take away my child. They threatened to tie me down to a bed.
My husband jumped in and said No they would not tie me down while he was there.
My mother begged them to just let me see the baby before I started to hemorrhage moving about the halls.
They did finally let me see her but only after they took all the other babies out of the nursery for they said they feared I might hurt some ones baby. I would cut off my own hand before I ever, ever touched a child in any harmful manner.
They placed a wheel chair for me next to her bassinet and I stroked her leg for only a minute before I passed out from the surgery and drugs.
Never the less I still had to deal with child protective services, I was humiliated that some one would call me a bad Mother before I ever laid eyes on my first born child.
The doctors and nurses and as if I should be so greatful to them for all there deeds. I was told that all that mattered is that my daughter and I where alive. I am very greatful that my daughter is alive but her living today has nothing to do with what they did to us. Had she died I still would have requested to see her and I would have been even more distraught. What then would they have taken me to jail?
Every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep those 3 days in the hospital are on my mind.
It has been 7 weeks now as I write this and I still cry every day. I have severe depression and a founded fear for the hospital and doctors of any kind.
I want a natural child birth so bad to help replace this bitter memory surrounding the day my daughter was cut from my stomach. I hope and pray that this memory and anguish will someday leave me.
