The Journal of Nissim

Pregnancy & Childbirth

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Pregnancy & Childbirth

April 8, 2000:
Twelve Weeks

Wow, I can't actually believe I'm twelve weeks pregnant! After everything that has happened to us it's hard to believe that we may really get this baby!

I've dreaded making prenatal appointments with my midwife. I guess we will finally have to do it! I did tell her we'd just talk casually over the next few months. She laughed. Since I work with her we see a lot of each other, so it's not like I've not seen a practitioner. ;-)

Still suffering from that ill feeling, particularly when I don't eat and sometimes even if I do. It's different from my previous pregnancies.

April 9, 2000:
Twelve Weeks, One Day

Spent the evening in the emergency room with Benjamin last night. He has a scratched cornea. He was screaming and kicking me in the abdomen all night long, it was very trying. I was angry and worried about being repeatedly kicked in the stomach. Although everything seems to be fine today.

It's nights like this that I wonder if we can handle another baby, let alone the three we have! I know the answer is yes we can handle it but sometimes it feels like a lot to deal with. One of the best things about having a baby that isn't your first is being able to watch the other children welcome and learn to live with their new sibling. It's like being able to watch two miracles unfold.

Four kids will be a lot to deal with. I have faith in Kevin and I. We still haven't told our families, because we don't feel like dealing with the negative reactions. So if you're reading this journal and you know my mother or mother-in-law please don't say anything! (You know who you are!)

Okay, this will all work out and we'll have more space in the new house and everything. We also have plenty of love, not to mention clothes!

April 14, 2000:
Twelve Weeks, Six Days

It's rather odd, but I've felt more negatively about the pregnancy since telling more more people. In my other pregnancies it's made it seem more real. I wonder if my belly is too small or if my baby is okay more than I was before this week. My husband has been great about most of it all. However, he's currently depressed and that's put a huge strain between us.

Hilary and Benjamin sit down every night and look through the baby name books. It's really quite cute. Although I've had to tell them several times that we don't have to have a name right now. They seem to really be enjoying themselves. Why can't I?

This is very likely our last baby and I really wanted to enjoy each moment of the pregnancy. Maybe I need to do something like leaf through a baby name book instead of thinking negative thoughts...