02/22/98
I have had many letters wondering why my entries have gotten few and far between. First off sitting at this computer was a definite feat in itself. Feeling like I was on a boat made it hard to concentrate. Plus I was dealing with some other matters that would only bore you.
Happily I am into the second trimester. Yes the morning sickness has lessened though not totally gone. Its more like I don't like a lot of food and their smell. My breast have already gone up a size I'm looking at a F cup right now. This in itself is scary. Will I continue to grow? That is the final size in the catalogue. The doctor has no answers she says hopefully this is it. Or not.
I still need a nap in the afternoon. Well actually I like my sleep I may be subconsciously using this as an excuse to be in bed more. I love to sleep always have. My mother said I slept through the night from day one. Somehow I don't think I will be that lucky with this child. My luck he will take after his father, who lives on four hours a night, and functions quite well.
Friday was the most incredible day of my life. I didn't have my husband there to share with me. I heard my baby's heartbeat. It took the doctor about five minutes to find it, she was about to give up and then, there it was. I didn't know what to do or say, just had a silly grin and tears sliding down my face. The doctor said next appointment bring Godfrey and he can hear it too.
It felt so surreal. I don't know how to describe it. I'm not sure what I was expecting. I wasn't thinking I'd even hear it, the doctor said its rare to find it at just 12 weeks. I told her now all the emotional imbalance, vomiting, aches and pains are all a distant memory. It is all worth it.
There is one thing I am trying to consciously do now. That is to be positive. Easier said then done. Even amidst the turmoil we are going through concerning our new company partners I am trying hard not to sink to the former partners antics. Which is hard with crank phone calls and then yesterday on my walk one of the former partners family members proceeded to yell and curse at me as I walked down the street. I just turned up my disc man and kept walking. Trying not to think the negative things I was having go through my head. But I did it, I talked to my husband and told him we won't sink to that level. We will rise above it and ignore them. We have a great life. They are jealous, end of story.
I'm starting to find it hard to talk to a few friends about the pregnancy. One friend is two months ahead and knows everything. Which gets annoying. I'm finding my sister though meaning, getting on my nerves also. She does not have the same body type as me, she was several years younger with both her children but still insist she knows better than the doctors.
Our biggest argument is about the possible size of my child. Because I am overweight and a large person anyway the doctor wants me prepared for a large baby. My chances are over 80% it will be over nine pounds. My sister totally disagrees says I could have a 7lb baby. Well she wasn't overweight is 5 inches shorter than me and had a 8 11 and 8 10 baby. So what do you all think. I should be more in the mind set for a larger baby, I think. I mean larger baby means a few more precautions. But I rather be prepared for anything than not.
One thing I'm surprised about is how now that I am pregnant it isn't the only thing on my mind. Not like before all the obsessing trying to get pregnant. Then the first few weeks that is all you think about that you have finally done it. Now its only in the fore front when a situation arises like someone else smoking in the room, or when I eat something I use to like and it doesn't sit well in my tummy. I guess I'm just more comfortable with it now.
They say the 2nd trimester is the best, more energy and a sense of calmness. I'm looking forward to it. I mean now that I've heard the heartbeat, there is no denying it, I'm pregnant, I mean really no fooling, in 6 months I'm going to be somebody's mommy.
