May 25, 1997:
I blew up at this waitress today! I hope it wasn't hormones and that she really deserved it, but I still felt really stupid. All I want were some eggs!
My daughter saw me naked last night and asked me if I was fat. Great! I sat her down and had her draw pictures of fat and skinny. We talked about how both were unhealthy and how it was impolite to say that to anyone! (I didn't mention especially your pregnant mother!)
May 26, 1997:
Contractions started today! The doctor on call said, "Too bad, at 19 weeks it's just a miscarriage, nothing I can do..." My midwife agreed with me about laying around on my side and drinking tons of water. We talked about what I was feeling and she said it could be multiple pregnancy uterine irritability or maybe a bladder infection.
I made an appointment with my family practitioner, she thought it was both of those. Everything was fine and the contractions have stopped. I was so terrified. Talk about bonding right away! I realized how much I want this baby, no matter how much I gripe.
May 30, 1997:
Well, we started childbirth classes last night, and I had been very apprehensive about it. It turned out to be very nice.
Even though, I know a lot about childbirth, it was nice to take some time away from life to spend with Kevin and focus just on us and this new baby. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I'm doing, or what Hilary and Benjamin are doing that I lose track of the pregnancy.
Kevin was great! He paid attention, answered questions and everything. He even voluntarily answered what kegels were and pronounced the name of the muscle correctly! Then towards the end of class he drew a heart on my hand that said, "Kevin loves Robin." Childish, but completely romantic and adorable. I'm in love all over again...
Week Twenty
June 2, 1997:
The half way mark, I've made it! I was really happy that I was only four weeks away from the chance of survival for the baby being existent, but Kevin got really depressed over the thought of a 24 weeker. Sigh. Men and women are so different.
Kevin and I are either very in love or clawing at each other this pregnancy. It seems that there is no middle ground. The stress of pregnancy, life and everything else seem to be piling up. Sometimes I wish we could just sit back and enjoy this pregnancy...
June 4, 1997:
Well, the baby is kicking much more vigorously now. I had Kevin feel it and I asked if he could tell the baby was stronger, but to my disappointment he said that it still felt like flutters to him. I felt like he was unimpressed.
The kids have been out of school for a week and a half, and another week and a half before camp starts. I am already pulling out my hair. Although, unlike spring break, I am no longer wondering why I wanted another baby. This time I am merely wondering how this child will fit into my life.
That decision was made a little easier for me this morning as my contract teaching for the health department will not be renewed. It is just more economically feasible for them to have generic health educators teach all the classes as opposed to a reproductive health educator teaching these classes, a diabetes educator teaching about diabetes, and so on and so forth. Trust me it wasn't the money, because the health department didn't pay that well, but I really enjoyed working with the teens and teaching the different classes. I will also miss my friends that I made at the different health centers.
Ah, such is life. Probably just G-d's way of telling me to slow down and enjoy this baby. I've actually felt better about the baby lately, maybe I'm finally going to be able to bond a bit more and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.
