We spent 8 hours in a car today, driving to Charlottesville, VA for Kevin's Ph.D. hooding ceremony. It rained the entire time, which played havoc on my bladder. Normally I am the big driver in the family, but today 300 miles was almost more than I could handle. The futon that we were given to sleep on is going to be a joy, I can tell already.
When we planned this trip I had hoped that we could spend some time in the car talking about the baby, something Kevin doesn't seem to like to do a whole lot. However, when I drove he slept and when he drove he played loud music! He also drove 200 miles straight through, no stops, after I drank a big glass of water! So I really had to go when we got there but our friends weren't home yet! ARGH!
I think the trip will be helpful for a lot of reasons. First of all I am excited to meet his friends that I've talked to on the phone or heard about. Secondly, maybe it will help him with closure for graduate school and make him realize that this baby isn't the end of an era but the beginning of a new one.
Week Eighteen
May 20, 1997:
Well, we are finally home. And all I can say is there is nothing like meeting skinny, beautiful female friends of your husband's when you are pregnant.
I was looking at my protruding belly last night and wondering if it were larger this time. I also have a large scar from my liver rupturing last year. I was hold my belly out for Kevin to see and I asked him if he every thought that when his pregnant wife showed him her belly did he imagine it would have the large scars? And didn't he think it was ugly. He answered that he thought it was beautiful and pointed out that while the scar was large it had really faded from it's bright red of last year.
It's amazing how we worry about aesthetic beauty when it truly is what comes from inside.
May 22, 1997:
We had an appointment with our midwife today. It went really well. The baby looks great and my uterus is growing according to "schedule." I discussed my problems connecting to the pregnancy. She told both Kevin and I that it was normal with our obstetrical history, in fact, she said that she was surprised at how calm we were. Mary Ann then suggested that the ultrasound might be a good bonding experience for us. She even said that finding out the sex might help us name the baby and connect.
We decided against finding out the sex, but have agreed to do the ultrasound, unless I chicken out! Most people love having ultrasounds, but mine have always been bad news.
After feeling the baby move a whole lot there was a period where s/he didn't move at all. Now we are back in the constant movement phase. I much prefer that! Isn't it funny how our fears are replaced so quickly? Last month I probably would have been worried about not feeling it, then it goes to feeling too much and back to not enough! Are we ever relaxed again? I don't think so.
Week Nineteen
May 25, 1997:
I blew up at this waitress today! I hope it wasn't hormones and that she really deserved it, but I still felt really stupid. All I want were some eggs!
My daughter saw me naked last night and asked me if I was fat. Great! I sat her down and had her draw pictures of fat and skinny. We talked about how both were unhealthy and how it was impolite to say that to anyone! (I didn't mention especially your pregnant mother!)
May 26, 1997:
Contractions started today! The doctor on call said, "Too bad, at 19 weeks it's just a miscarriage, nothing I can do..." My midwife agreed with me about laying around on my side and drinking tons of water. We talked about what I was feeling and she said it could be multiple pregnancy uterine irritability or maybe a bladder infection.
I made an appointment with my family practitioner, she thought it was both of those. Everything was fine and the contractions have stopped. I was so terrified. Talk about bonding right away! I realized how much I want this baby, no matter how much I gripe.
May 30, 1997:
Well, we started childbirth classes last night, and I had been very apprehensive about it. It turned out to be very nice.
Even though, I know a lot about childbirth, it was nice to take some time away from life to spend with Kevin and focus just on us and this new baby. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I'm doing, or what Hilary and Benjamin are doing that I lose track of the pregnancy.
Kevin was great! He paid attention, answered questions and everything. He even voluntarily answered what kegels were and pronounced the name of the muscle correctly! Then towards the end of class he drew a heart on my hand that said, "Kevin loves Robin." Childish, but completely romantic and adorable. I'm in love all over again...
