The Diary of a Doula
Dateline: 08/22/99I'm often asked what it's like to be a doula. What is involved? How long does it take to do a birth and come home? Does your family suffer from it? There are a lot of questions that need to be seriously considered when thinking of becoming a doula.
The focus of this is more on my life than on the glorious births. While this is not a complete diary of every event or birth, nor are the names real, here are some glimpses into my year...
December 31st
Almost midnight
We're sitting around with the kids waiting to ring in the New Year together. They have on their inexpensive multi-colored plastic leis and are holding their sparkling grape juice high in the air, asking, "Is it time yet?"
Kevin and I are excited that we were able to be together this night, although we know it could end at any moment. My client has been calling off and on all day wondering if tonight's the night! I assured her that I'm ready to walk out the door as soon as she wants me there.
January 9th
2:37 AM
The phone rings and I'm trying to find it before everyone else wakes up. I stumble on a toy and muffled my voice as I grumble. I didn't make it in time. I take the phone towards the living room to see if a message was left. Before I get there my pager, which is, of course, back upstairs, begins to go off. I now am positive that someone is in labor.
K is calling to tell me that her water broke. She's three weeks before her due date and excited, but not having contraction. I suggest a quick call to her practitioner and back to sleep if at all possible. She says she'll call back when they've heard from the doctor.
A few minutes later and their doctor has told them it's safe to stay home for awhile. I tell her to call me in the morning, or before if she needs me!
An hour and 20 minutes later the phone rings again and they are ready for me. Contractions have started and they'd like to meet me at the hospital, because there is an ice storm that's already hit and is probably going to get worse before it gets better.
February 11th
K and her baby looked great today at a postpartum visit. She is nursing well and her jaundice looks much better. K is very excited about being a mommy and is still glowing from her birth. I rushed home to greet the kids off the school bus and help with after school homework.
After dinner is done, I put all of the dishes in the sink and gather my bags to head out the door. Benjamin our 5 year old asks, "Where are you going?" Hilary, the all knowing 7 year old response, "To get a baby..."
"Not this time kids, I have to go teach a class about doulas at the library. I'll be home before you go to bed."
March 3rd
1:00 AM
I'm just getting to bed. I know I shouldn't have stayed up, but I really needed to get some work done. As my head it the pillow I hear the phone and look at the clock. I sigh, another all nighter!
L is having contractions that are pretty close together, could I come over? Sure, be right there...
The birth was great and fast. It's an unexpected treat to be crawling back in bed just before in the morning.
April 22nd
12:00 PM
Kevin and I are enjoying a nice lunch out when my pager goes off. It's C. His wife is due in 4 weeks but the doctors want to induce her that night for IUGR. I agree to meet them at the hospital at 7 PM, an hour after they get there to talk about the changes that this will make to their birth plan and discuss what they'd like to do.
April 23rd
8:30 PM
I just got home. The baby is finally here and everyone is happy and healthy. I'm tired and grouchy. The kids want to rub my feet with the things I keep in my birth bag. Kevin is trying to bring me something to eat but none of his suggestions sound good, although I'm starving. I'd probably be happier falling into bed with all of my clothes on and waking up in the morning.
May 13th
7 PM
I just managed to be able to sit through the entire school program without my pager going off!
May 17th
12:18 PM
I just caught a baby because the midwife didn't make it in time! This was a dear friend of mine and my son's birthday to boot!
We're all smiles when the midwife runs up the stairs about 3 minutes after the baby, and hears that familiar "Waa, waa!"
I'm so excited to be here for this birth. She's waited so long for this baby. Years of infertility treatment, many miscarriages... And I was privileged to be here, what a special day!
Once home I tell Benjamin of the wonderful new baby who will share his birthday and a special place in my heart forever! I also try to talk Kevin into having another baby, he tells me to go to bed, I'll feel differently in the morning. ;)
June 13th
No baby on my birthday...
July 19th
11:30 AM
I'm at the hospital with my client who has decided to have a scheduled cesarean. Her husband will be joining us in a bit. She's nervous, worried about her decision, worried about the surgery. I sit calmly with her in the waiting room and we talk about the positive things that are going to happen. I explain the procedures and assure her that she will never be left alone. We've already agreed that dad will stay with the baby and I'll stay with her.
Her husband comes in and we're almost ready to go meet this little one! The nurse hands dad his scrubs and didn't bring mine. She doesn't want me in the OR with them. The doctor comes back and tells them he's about ready, he assures the nurse it's fine to have me along too. We are all relieved.
As dad and I stand outside the door while she's getting the spinal, we hear some mumbling and the word "doula" said several times. Dad and I laugh pretty hard.
August 15th
About 8 AM
My pager goes off. My client is having contractions 8 seconds long. Sounds not so important, but I was there for her last baby, I knew better than to blow this off.
Once I got there we hopped in my car because her husband was still packing. As I drove, I started wondering what my husband would say if we had a baby in my new minivan... I remembered we got the package that would replace the seats if they got stained and quit worrying.
We got to the hospital, her husband right behind us, and she had the baby about 6 minutes later...
September 3rd
10 AM
Dr. J calls. A previous client of mine has just had her baby early and needs some serious help because of other health problems (mom's). I agree to come and help.
It's a very scary situation. Mom needs me to stay in her room and watch her premature baby who is strong and healthy but small so that she can get well from some other problems. She needs help with breastfeeding. Her condition worsens. They don't expect the mother to live. The dad stays with her and I'm sent home from the hospital with their baby who can't stay in the ICU.
While I know Kevin won't say anything I do worry about what he'll think when I come home with a tiny baby, not to mention the fact I'm about 7 months pregnant.
"Hi honey, I'm home!" He's in the kitchen. "You know how some people see stray puppies and can't help but bring them home?" I call into the kitchen.
He's wiping his hands on a dish towel as he comes out, "Yes..."
I lift the car seat up, "Well, I found a stray baby..."
He laughs. Although he knows that if the baby is here with me, something is probably not good with mom.
September 5th
Baby J is finally home with his dad. Her mom is doing a lot better and will be home to hold her shortly. I manage to help out during the days. It was a neat experience and I was so glad to be of assistance.
September 10th
5:35 AM
The phone rings and I missed it. I call them back and it's N. He's telling me about the weather. I don't mean to sound snotty but it probably doesn't sound friendly when I say, "It's really early in the morning, is there something that is on your mind other than the weather?"
Yes, his wife is in early labor and they are excited. I agree to be over in about an hour. I have some things to take care of to get ready.
I take a quick shower and get dressed. I barely wake Kevin up, just enough so that he'll remember what I have to say, "Happy birthday honey! P is having her baby. You presents are in the top shelf of the closet. The cake needs to be made. Your family will be here at 7 PM, be sure to shave!"
