At 9:30 am my doctor arrived and checked to see if I was dilated, I had been having contractions that were mild throughout the morning, but they did nothing to progress me along. I was still at only 1cm and 60% effaced. My doctor broke my water to get things going, taking me from 1cm to 3, for a couple of hours the contractions were bearable and I could breathe through them, with Mykl helping me along the way. They kept asking me if I wanted the epidural but I refused.
The time escapes me, but it was a few hours later that the pain stared to get unbearable, so much so that I was in complete and utter pain. I literally turned into another person. I couldn't scream loud enough to equal the pain. I cried and held onto to Mykl for dear life when they told me that something was wrong with the platelet count in my blood and that they couldn't give me the epi until they re-tested my blood. An hour later, they came back in and said that nothing was wrong and that they mis-took the blood test. The epidural was administered and really didn't hurt at all. For about ten minutes the pain subsided and then hit all at once, stronger and faster then before. I was in so much pain that they gave me morphine to ease it, which only seemed to make it worse. For a good three hours I had contractions seconds apart and no relief what so ever.. At this point, I must've told everyone except my mom and mykl that I would kill them if they didn't help me. Mykl was so emotionally spent and I could see the helplessness in his face when he looked at me, which made me feel so bad, everyone was yelling at everyone and it was chaos.
Finally they decided to give me another epidural because apparently the first slipped out, so they had me sit on the edge of the bed, completely still, yeah right! and they administered not another epidural but a small spinal block, in about ten minutes I could feel my legs go numb, not completely, just tingly. I could still feel massive pressure but it was bearable. I ended up apologizing to everyone I yelled at, and they understood. They were just happy that I wasn't screaming anymore.
The doctor came in and checked again and I was at 4cm, still getting through the contractions and by 6pm I was at 10cm and fuklly effaced, I could start pushing when I felt a contraction. It was kind of funny, because overtime my stomach would growl, a contractions would be right behind it. I pushed for what seemed like forever. Then around 6:30 or so, my midwife who had taken over for my doctor, said she could see the head and told me to push, for over 2 hours I tried to push his head out and I would feel him go back up, it was so discouraging. I kept saying I couldn't do it and they kept telling me that i already was doing it. Finally after pissing me off, which she did to get me to push, the head came out, I told them to just pull the rest out but was told to push some more. I could feel everything. Then at 8:45 Colin came into this world, eyes wide open and looking at everyone, I on the other hand, had my eyes shut the entire time. She placed him on my belly and when I looked down I could see his tiny little face looking up at me. I was exhausted and the tears just started flowing.. Mykl cut the cord and stood by me looking down at our beautiful little boy. His head was misshapen from being in the birth canal for so long, so I was worried but the very next day it had already rounded out.
I know everyone was telling me that the pain will be worth it and at the time you don't feel that way at all! But when you see this little person that you created looking back at you, you would do it all over again.
I was not prepared for the intense amount of love that I would feel for this child and for Mykl. Mykl was such a tremendous source of strength for me that I don't think I could have gotten through it without him. I didn't think that my love for him could get any stronger than it was but now you can't even measure it.
As for Colin, he is doing very well, he sleeps a lot, cries hardly ever and we are learning the ropes of breast feeding together..
Thanks so much for reading this far......
di@shadowscene.org Di, Mykl and our son Colin
